| Power Plays |
| By Rommel |
|
Genres: Lemon, Drama
|
1. December 5, 2007 |
Posted By:
What this chapter is good is the emotional tension, which you rarely hope to see in lemon. technique wise the third chapter was better than the first two, but again such comment can be made with a slight stretching, since the first two chapters never were really weak technically wise to begin with.
However, all those chapters were left me hoping for some more extended scenes. Like lets say in a third chapter the scene could have been expanded before Kaji buffed in. It was getting really arousing and then bam, we go back to where we started, more or less. It was a little bit annoying.
The same problem repeats in the first two chapters. Sometimes the scene feels like it was completed and nothing more could be added to it, but sometimes, despite a good description of details it felt like it could be expanded more. In this sense the third chapter, in my opinion is probably the weakest one as the feeling of abrubtness or rather incompleteness felt more when we consider the actual sex scenes.
Plot-wise the third chapter felt probably even more superior than the first two. It also showed more bondage (yet I think you could have done more empathisize on it with stretching the mentioned bondage scenes).
It depends on ones taste which chapter one prefers more. since I like the dark feeling above WAFF I preferred the second chapter over the third (despite the fact that third really contributed towards the BDSM theme) and the anal rape scene was well done and was in a proper place (I dont gave any fake virtue to say that it was disgusting, disturbing - may be, but not disgusting, and a disturbing scenes I like since I preffer the angst over WAFF anyway), though my absolute favorite one was probably still the first chapter. Somehow I liked it the most.
Your fic, as sw-01 mentioned is a good mix between BDSM, WAFF and A/S. Though I personally would prefer angst over WAFF anytime, I can not disagree with others that you did a good job on it all.
Yet, it is still not Anniversary or Asuka's Punishment. The sex scenes are lacking a little, and feels a little bit incomplete, besides, compared to the AP and Anniversary the bondage and BDSM scenes are soft, sometimes loosing an edge to it due to thei softness thus loosing a supposedly erotic excitement towards the WAFF.
Emotionally, your fic probably stand above the first two, yet sexually wise it is still lacking when compared. And lets be blunt - when you put a lemon as your primary genre the people would still come firstly for the lemon scenes while the plot and emotions are a good addition to it.
Stil, your fic is really one of the better A/S out there, sepcially the ones BDSM themed, yeah it might be not as good as the AP or Ann (depending on your preference, if you prefer WAFF then your fic might be considered even better), but its still better than a lot of other NGE lemons out there, and you can be proud of it.
Hope to see more of your writing, hopefully NGe themed, and even more hopefully Asuka and BDSm themed, in the future.
Overall, the PP was really enjoyable fic, well done from technical and emotional (waff) side, the characters were well in character which made it much more enjoyable. Maybe some scenes had a feeling of incompleteness (or again more like being to go further than they did) but again its only a minor flaws really. Overall an impression is really good about this lemon.
See you.
2. December 4, 2007 |
Posted By: sw-01 This has easily become one of my favorite lemons for obvious reason: I'm a sucker for A/S, BDSM and WAFF. So having them all combined in a well-written story with actual development is an instant win for me. :p
It goes right into the juicy business from the beginning, without long introduction as to how the two teens got into the relationship. What might be counted as lacking by some is more than fine with me, as I'm not a big fan of unnecessary additions that take the focus from the main plot.
The first chapter, while being - compared to the other two - the tamest, already serves as brilliant introduction to the D/s theme. Sure, the plot twist at the end was anything but unpredictable (and probably never intended to, given the scene with Asuka and Hikari); having her as mastermind behind her own degradation makes her submitting to Shinji while maintaining her dominant personality.
The second chapter, while still good, was probably my least favorite. The bit with the teacher walking in on them was mildly amusing, but seemed more like one of those "unnecessary additions" mentioned above and will probably forever be just skimmed through by me. The anal rape didn't bother me as much as others (would be rather hypocritical for me if I did :p), but even despite that, it seemed very dark. The whole "loss of trust" theme (along with the little tragedy that she had wanted to tell him the truth, but didn't had the chance/couldn't bring herself to do it until it was too late) brought the chapter down, though probably not unintended. As said, the rape didn't bother me as much, but their behaviour at that part did somewhat. Someone as Shinji, who at that point (and even after it) is still quite hesitant of taking a dominant role doing the "you're gonna smoke the whole pack now at once"-punishment route? Asuka protesting that he's finally taking charge of her by himself? I know it might be explained with impulsive action, anger/fear on instinctive level, and I wouldn't take it as story-destroying flaw, but it stroke me as odd (- though already saying this at all probably makes me a (future) hypocrite after all, seeing that I have scene in the works where at least Shinji isn't too far from this either. XD ) Also, I somewhat felt there was something missing as to how they got from physically, but even more so emotionally drained by the rape, to Asuka squirming in a hogtie while sucking Shinji off. The third chapter got a bit into the reasons why this was supposed to help Asuka re-earning Shinji's trust, but here in the second, there seemed to be some gap.
The third chapter was a fetishist's dream come true with plenty of toys and costume plays. The scene after the return from the shop not only was an obvious nod to krutta's works, but also brought back the pleasantly sick memories of venturing to his site the very first time. :p I also much prefered Misato's attitude in this chapter. In the first two, she really seemed a bit too unfair towards Asuka/overprotective of Shinji.
One thing I noticed in all three, and I'm not sure if I should call that a good or a bad thing: all left me hoping for a bit more. In the first, it was the lack of bondage; in the second it was the aforementioned "hole" at the end that was yearning for an expansion of the last scene; in the third, it would have been nice to see the play scene a bit longer without Kaji butting in. ;) Fortunately, at least in the case of the first two, those points were addressed in the next chapter.*
*Not meant to be a beg for another chapter. Not that I'd mind it, but I think the end of the third rounds it up just fine.
3. December 3, 2007 |
Posted By:
Still, I have to say it was a blast.
4. October 29, 2007 |
Posted By: AsukaFreak Incredibly intense and actually emotionally gripping.
I have to say I'm with Sailor - this is the first time in a good long while a fic of any sort has made me actually *care* about the characters . . . I'm completely sucked into this story, and it is going to seriously hurt if all of this intense buildup ends with despair.
You have to finish this. You have to. Because we all want more, but more importantly it's going to gnaw at me (and probably the rest of us) until we know how it ends. Even if it is soul-crushing, but I really hope it isn't. You have to do what the characters in your head tell you . . . but I beg whatever hentai gods are out there that they don't crush poor fragile Asuka. Seriously, I'll cry. You don't want to make a grown man cry do you?
5. October 19, 2007 |
Posted By:
Something about this one actually freaked me out more than the first one--probably because Shinji actually hit Asuka before they had sex, Asuka crying for real, and the fact the ending wasn't necessarily a "happy" one, although at least Asuka does want to earn his trust again.
But the "26' cheek caress" so early, eh? Nice.
6. October 13, 2007 |
Posted By:
Truly awesome fic, and I have to say the artwork you posted on R-A.net was equally impressive.
7. October 9, 2007 |
Posted By:
8. May 31, 2007 |
Posted By:
Aside from a few minor errors, it's a good read. I'd enjoy a second chapter.
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