- Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction -

- Chapter Eight -

| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | End |

NGE: Cross

Asuka was getting the impression that Rei seemed apprehensive about entering the Katsuragi residence for their shared body was growing tense as they approached the door.

You've been here before, Rei! Don't get all weird about it!

I have not lived here before...

Do you think it would be better if we lived in your dump of an apartment?!

No, I do not believe it would be as beneficial. This is just a new experience for me. I have never lived with others, except the Commander...

Well get used to it because we're going in!

With that, Asuka, who was in control and had taken to trying to keep it that way, walked through the door that Misato had opened for her, followed by Shinji. And the first thing on her mind was... "Misato! I want to get out of this stupid NERV uniform they gave us at the hospital. Do you think my clothes will still fit?" she asked, hoping to feel maybe a little anger from Rei, but not sensing any.

Misato had gone straight for the fridge as usual, but came out with a can of pop instead of her customary beer. "Probably," she answered, "I think Rei's pretty much your size anyway." She had almost slipped and said 'Rei was', but had remembered to keep herself in the present and more positive tense.

"I should probably take a shower too, come to think of it," Asuka added as she headed off to her room, but once she entered she got a sick feeling at the idea of showering.

What is this feeling? I am not familiar with it...

It just feels wrong, washing this body that isn't even mine.

It is made up of 50% of your cells...

And 50% of yours, but it's neither of ours.

It does not belong to anyone else...

But it's not mine and it's not yours.

I do not understand why you feel this way...

You shower then. I don't want to do it.

Very well...

Asuka then quickly picked out some clean house clothes and relinquished control to Rei, who was as calm and steady as ever as she showered.

† † †

"The old men are not happy with you, Ikari," Fuyutski told his Commander.

"I am aware of that," Gendo responded coldly, analyzing the Tree of Life with from behind his dark glasses, "But now that we have proof that human AT fields can break down and cease to exist then be born again into a new existence, we don't need them and their plans. Their agenda no longer matters to me and at this stage, they cannot afford to destroy us."

Fuyutski coughed, feeling the air chill around his confidant. "But the AT fields were not completely broken down. Rei and Asuka still have their separate personalities."

"In that, Fuyutski, you are wrong. The experiment is still in its early stages, but the progress is looking good."

"An experiment so vital, that you will sacrifice Rei for it?" Kozo inquired, hoping to hit a nerve.

"When Rei ceases to be, she, as always, and like you, can be replaced."
Had it been raining in the Commander's office, it would have started to snow.

† † †

The body known as Takahashi Aisu emerged from the bathroom, dressed in Asuka's usual house clothes. "Hey Shinji!" Asuka called, "What's for lunch?"

"All we have is ramen," he replied despondently from the kitchen.

"What?! Maybe Misato can live solely off of that and beer alone but some of us need to eat something that may be actually beneficial for our health!" Asuka pointed out as Rei wisely chose not to comment.

"It's not like anyone's been grocery shopping in a while..." the boy muttered as he pulled out three containers of noodles.

He had expected at least some response, and probably a nasty, mocking one at that, but there was nothing but silence. He then realized why and cursed himself for his slip. Even Asuka couldn't be light about such an event...

Then a much delayed, "Whatever, dummkopf, just make sure Misato doesn't cook it", came from the hallway and didn't offer him any relief for his mistake.

She walked into the kitchen silently, doubling the tension in the air and sat down at her customary place. It would have been just another day in the Katsuragi household, had not there been a voice nagging, well, not really nagging, but more like reporting in the corner of their shared mind.

I have just realized something...

What is it?

The kanji for Aisu is ice...

So?

There is what you would call a sick humor to the situation. Our body was named for its appearance.

You really are a weird one.

† † †

So Shinji studied, Misato slept, Asuka watched TV and yelled at Shinji, and Rei just kind of sat back and watched it all. To the other occupants of the apartment, it seemed like a very normal day, almost not distinguishable from any other, and Rei took it as a sign of resilience. She enjoyed how her fellow pilots and the Major were unwilling to let their sense of security in their routine be lost to an accident, but in this she realized another thing. They barely even seemed to think of her as actually present. Asuka had control most of the time and tried to keep it that way as much as possible and Rei only got in a few comments the entire day. She was surprised by how this disappointed her. She didn't normally speak all that much, but this lack of speaking seemed abnormal to her for the first time. Her reality was devoid of sound and nearly devoid of life, but here, in this place full of people, there was talking and yelling and arguing and a greater sense of life and color. Rei found that she was longing for more of it.

† † †

So Shinji studied, Misato slept, Asuka watched TV and yelled at Shinji, and Rei just kind of sat back and watched it all. Shinji actually did a lot more than studying, though he knew that he should have left a bit more time to his algebra. He thought, to the point of distraction even. He thought about what had happened, what was happening, and what could or would happen. However, a very strange thought crossed his mind after he answered a call from Ritsuko saying that their synch tests after school would be canceled until "the problem is resolved". Shinji's thought was one of fear and apprehension. He had seen some horrible things since he had come to Tokyo 3, and most of them involved and Eva, but the most horrible thing he'd seen was the latest scar on his memory. Ikari Shinji realized that he didn't want to get into his Eva again, and this time, he had a good reason.

† † †

So Shinji studied, Misato slept, Asuka watched TV and yelled at Shinji, and Rei just kind of sat back and watched it all. However, everyone who's ever sat in front of a television before know that there is NEVER anything good on during the day and especially on Sundays, so after she had made sure that the balance of power was indeed still in effect and she had watched two crazy episodes of some pre-second impact anime, Asuka started to think as well. Her thoughts centered around a different subject than Shinji's and even Rei's with their kind of shared space of a mind. But, like Shinji, her thoughts centered around something that a certain blonde scientist mentioned. Ritsuko had told her to leave NERV and Eva once she was freed from her bond with Rei, but Asuka wasn't sure if she would, or could. Ever since her mother died, and even before then, her life was intertwined with Eva. It wasn't something that she could just walk away from, but after what it had done to her, she didn't think she could have that same kind of trust. Did she even trust Ritsuko?

† † †

So Shinji studied, Misato slept, Asuka watched TV and yelled at Shinji, and Rei just kind of sat back and watched it all. Misato really was sleeping...

And eventually, after Asuka demanded that they order out for a decent meal, everyone else was too, even if it wasn't very peacefully. Rei had never dreamed before, but sadly, her first experience, thanks to her mind link, was a nightmare.

† † †

"Sempai! I'm getting strange readings from Unit 00 and Unit 02!"

A tingling feeling, warm, but strange. It is wrong.

"The pilot's synch ratios just jumped to 98%!"

A sense of unity, from the Eva, but from something else as well.

"What about Shinji?!"

Could he be feeling this too? Is this him?

"He's at a stable 63%...but the other two are slowly approaching 100%!"

It is another.

"Hyuga! Call Commander Ikari and Vice-Commander Fuyutski at once!"

They're worried. What's this feeling? It keeps getting stronger. Will it be pain?

"There's a really weird feeling in my hand! I can't move it!"

Fear. No, this is not fear keeping me still. When will it stop? I'm a fear it. I fear this lack of motion, this lack of life. Make it stop!

"What's going on?"

Help! I cannot help myself! Please!

"Eva to Eva synch ratio is at 97%! If it goes over 99%..."

What will happen?

"Deactivate the Evas! Units 00 and 02 are going out of control!"

Quick! I feel it now! It is coming for me, coming through me. I don't want it!

"They're not excepting the signals!"

NO! My hand! It's not my hand anymore! Give it back!

"Rei! Asuka! You've got to move away from each other. Your Evas are going to combine with each other if you don't! You hear me!? Move!"
It's her!

"I caaan't!"

Strain. Pain. I WANT MYSELF BACK!

"You have to move!"

She is holding me back! We are stuck together! I don't want her!

It isn't right! I don't want to become one with you!

Is that because it is me?

No! Just give me myself back! I don't want you!

But I want to know. I can learn from you. We are doomed anyway.

No! I won't teach you! You're screwed up, very screwed up! Get away!

I cannot. Your arm is my arm.

My arm is your arm. Give it back!

This self which you have created, your identity, is it really that precious?

You can't take it from me!

But I have none of my own.

Everyone had one, even freaks like you. Don't take it from me to fulfill your own needs!

Because it is yours?

Yes! It is mine! It is my creation and mine alone.

It is so much more eventful than mine.

Don't look! Don't you dare! There are things you can't know and you won't know!

All I want is to understand.

Get back! I learned these things for myself as you must learn them.

But in order to learn, we must be taught.

You can't teach yourself through me! It's wrong!

Wrong?

Leave me alone!

Your pain is my pain.

My pain is your pain. I don't want your pain!

Your truth is my truth. I want to know...

My truth is your truth. Give it back!!!

Your life is my life.

My life is your life.

"NO!!!"

Pain. Blood. Red. Hatred. Rejection.

"Asuka! Ayanami!"

Peace.

Ya gotta love psychobabble.

"And if this night won't let me rest don't let me second guess what I know to be real." -Lifehouse

Blue Taboo

Original Content © Glynnis "Blue Taboo" Lyons 2001, 2002, 2003

- Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction -

- Chapter Nine -

| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | End |

NGE: Cross

Shinji woke up, not to the sound of his alarm clock and the first light streaming in through his tiny window, but to darkness and a soft sound coming from the next room. At first, he wasn't quite sure what it was, as he lie motionless in under the cool sheets, but then it dawned on him. Someone was crying. At first it dawned on him that it could be Asuka, but it just didn't seem like her. Then again, nothing about her was really the same anymore. He listened for a few moments longer and the crying continued and he could've sworn someone else was whispering. He wondered if it was all part of a realistic dream or something, if he wasn't quite awake, but it continued on to the point where his curiosity got the better of him.

He approached the door to the room inhabited by Asuka and Rei and cautiously cracked it open.

"The images..." a soft voice, probably belonging to Rei, trailed off.

"They're not real," another whispered, bolder but still quiet, "It happens to me all the time. Just try to forget about, okay? You're making me upset and you're crying."

"It is an experience I did not wish to remember, but in this vision it came..."

"It's called a dream, Rei. Though I'd classify this one as a nightmare. I take it you'd never had a dream before?"

"No, I had not. Is that strange?" Her voice was more calm, loosing the strange emotional outburst that Rei possessed very rarely.

"A little, but I've heard of people who don't dream before, and even for me it doesn't always happen every night. I have nightmares most of the time, though..."

"I feel...what do you call it? Is it sympathy?"

"I don't need your pity."

"But I've experienced it now and I understand that it is...upsetting..."

There was silence for a little while and then a pair of sky blue eyes that belonged to the figure immersed in blue, even with blue pajamas, wandered over to the crack in the door and caught a pair of blue eyes of a much darker shade.

Shinji knew he'd been seen and he feared death from Asuka and/or an embarrassing line of questioning from Rei. However, he got neither. He stood unable to move, petrified by the being's very lack of reaction. She just kept looking into his eyes and after a while, he brought himself out of his fear and read the look. She, no, they were acknowledging him so silently and so precisely saying without words, "So you do care...", and almost smiling. The look was faceted in two, almost having a different feel from either eye, but not quite. The two female pilots now shared so much that, at that time, they both looked out from those eyes and had their separate, but similar messages heard. The boy could nearly invision the boisterous red-head's voice softening and saying, "You idiot...do you know how much this means to me?". At the same time it was almost as if Rei was standing beside him and saying, "Tears, so this is their purpose, to alert others of pain. Thank you, Ikari-kun..."

None of them would remember how or when that moment ended, but before they knew it they were asleep again. No nightmares would come again that night.

† † †

The next morning began as usual. Shinji was the first to wake up, the subtle events of the previous night nagging at the back of his brain. He tried to ignore them as he showered and went about his daily routine. As he finished the apartment still remained silent and he frowned. Usually, at this time on a Monday morning, Asuka would have already yelled at him for using the bathroom too long and demanded that he make breakfast so it would be ready for her when she was done. Well, it didn't seem that she would be going to school today, but he made breakfast for four anyway, three human bodies and a penguin that was. Misato stumbled out as he was finishing up and did something that nearly made Shinji spill boiling soup all over himself. She actually went for the can of instant coffee and not her morning beer. Even PenPen, who had just came back in from getting the paper so he could read the funnies, was stunned by her break in routine.

"What happened to a 'traditional breakfast'?!" the boy beseeched in shock.

"Gee, Shinji," the Major mumbled, "I thought you'd approve..."

"Well...um...I do, but it's just...Thank you, Misato-san. I really appreciate it..." he stammered.

"Well, I figured it would give you one less thing to worry about. That's something that no one around here really needs right now..." She put a mug of water in the microwave for her coffee.

He nodded in response and started to set the table while the soup cooled.

"Are you going to wake them up?" Misato asked while his head was down.

He looked up. "Huh?"

"You're setting three places. I take it that you were going to wake them up for breakfast?" she inquired with a grin.

"Well, yeah...They shouldn't have to make their own breakfast or wake up to an empty apartment...no offense PenPen..."

The penguin warked in response and Shinji set down his sardines to prove his statement.

Misato laughed. "You do too much sometimes, Shinji. Do you really care about what other people think so much?"

He shrugged. "I...guess..."

She laughed again and got her mug of now hot water from the microwave. "Just go wake them up, silly..."

"O-okay." She had him blushing as usual.

He turned and left as she finished preparing her coffee. Misato took a sip of the stuff and said to PenPen, "I think this is the first time I've ever had this when I was sober. It's not too bad actually..."

† † †

Shinji nudged the door open a crack again. "Asuka...Rei..." he called gently, "Are you awake?"

He couldn't see anything because the blinds had been closed, making the room dark, so he opened the door a little more.

He found the girl's figure tangled in her sheets, with a little smile on her face.

† † †

Just as others were waking, Doctor Akagi Ritsuko was coming to the end of another night shift. Her office was littered with cigarettes, cups half full of cold coffee, and countless printouts of information on the experiment that had caused the current state of the First and Second Children. She had been up all night, thinking and thinking. She had constructed the basic idea for the experiment to reverse what had been done, but she still didn't completely understand what had happened to cause the two pilots to merge. Theoretically, they shouldn't have survived the process, or at least not have returned to human form. Nevertheless, this was not the primary concern of the bleached-blonde scientist. She had been trying to solve the mystery of the tiny cuts that appeared all over Asuka and Rei's shared body.

They say that emotions can drive intelligence, and Ritsuko was now experiencing that. She felt so guilty over all she had done. Before, she hadn't even realized the atrocities she had committed against the Children, herself, and mankind in general, but now that their effect had become so immense, she saw now that what she had been doing ever since she decided to follow in her mother's footsteps was wrong.

"Their AT fields didn't just merge...They shattered...The wounds are pieces of the light of the soul! This is no proof of your instrumentality, Ikari..."

And with that, she began the long process of fixing her mistakes in attempt to preserve her own sanity and free a few children from the prison of a world just waiting for the Apocalypse.

† † †

The two female pilots woke up with little protest from Asuka and joined their roommates for breakfast. They chatted while eating, but nothing of particular importance or interest caught Shinji's ear, so he thought and came up with an idea. Maybe he should stay here for the day, just so things would remain calm and the girls could have some company? He'd ask Misato when Asuka and Rei had gone off to shower.

"So how's Kaji doing? It seems like I haven't seen him in a long time..."

"It's only been about a week, Asuka..."

† † †

Commander Ikari Gendo stood before the violet behemoth that was Eva Unit 01, staring intently into its darkened, lifeless eyes for a few moments before he began to speak. "Soon, very soon, Yui. We can be together now that I have discovered a way to bypass SEELE's plans. We no longer have to adhere to the schedule those old fools rely on so much. You might even find it amusing how I've ruined their sense of security, but soon they will retaliate, and we must be prepared. I fear that Akagi has caught onto the true nature of my discovery, but that is no matter. She can be easily silenced. Soon, my love, it is only a matter of time..."

There was silence as the man almost expected a response from the giant humanoid, but it was still as usual. The person he was addressing never responded since the day she disappeared, but that didn't matter to him. He spoke with her as if she were still there, and listening to him with her warm smile. Most would see it like a person talking to a wall, or another object that had no ability to respond, but Ikari Gendo didn't. He was best defined as a man obsessed, obsessed with that which was eternally lost, to God, Satan, or maybe just death.

† † †

"Hey, Misato," Shinji began as he heard the water in the shower beginning to run, "Do you think it would be all right if I stayed home today?"

"Do you still feel weird, or is it because you don't want to have to lie to your friends?" she asked, her back turned to him as she grabbed her flight jacket from its position sprawled on the floor of her room.

"Well, I guess I hadn't thought about my friends...but...I just thought that Asuka and Rei might like some company, you know? I know that I would like that, if I was in their situation..."

She emerged and shook her head at him. "You do so much sometimes. You're really a good kid Shinji. Go ahead, the school won't miss you. They expect this with you being a pilot and all..."

"Thanks, Misato."

She laughed. "I need to do something for you. Remind me that I owe you a steak dinner or something sometime."

"But we already had that," he told her.

"Not officially, but whatever you want. You deserve it."

He blushed.

"Oh there you go, get all embarrassed again," she looked at her watch, "Shit! I gotta run, or I'll be late for my shift. See ya later, Shinji!" she called as she ran out the door and quickly slipped on her jacket.

"Trouble is a part of your life, and if you don't share it, you don't give the person who loves you a chance to love you enough."
-- Dinah Shore

- Blue Taboo -

Original Content © Glynnis "Blue Taboo" Lyons 2001, 2002, 2003

- Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction -

- Chapter Ten -

| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | End |

NGE: Cross

"Where'd Misato go?" Asuka asked as her and Rei's shared body stepped into the room, drying her long blue hair with a towel.

"Work," Shinji replied simply as he set down a plate for them.

"Don't you have to go to school?"

Shinji bit his lip, afraid to tell her of his concern for fear of many different, and mostly violent reactions. "Uh...Misato told me not to go..."

"That's not very convincing..."

"I-I don't feel well?" It was more of a question than a statement.

"Wrong..." she sneered, and then switched over to Rei's control, "Why is it that you lie, Ikari? Even I can detect your deception..."

He had to be a really bad liar then. "N-no reason. I just didn't want to go..."

"Whatever," Asuka took over again and scoffed, "I just hope you made some decent breakfast. I'm eating for two you know..." she looked down at the plate as she sat, "What?! No meat? How many times have I told you--"

"Rei doesn't eat meat, remember? After all...you are eating for two," Shinji told her, twisting the German's words against her with a smile.
There was a brief growl that was interrupted by Rei's "Thank you for taking that into consideration, Ikari."

"You're welcome, Rei. I'm sure Asuka can handle a few meals without meat."

"At least it's better than ramen day after day..." Asuka sighed begrudgingly. Misato had had the sense enough to round up some groceries the other night.

Breakfast went by without any more incidents. Shinji just sat across the table and drank a second cup of tea while the being with ice blue eyes and hair, the tiny cuts on her body that were once so prevalent now almost totally gone, ate her vegetarian breakfast. It was quiet, too quiet in the eerie sense. Shinji, with his newfound urge to do something, anything to help the current situation, tried at some conversation and ended up failing on his first few attempts. He had to think of something better and soon...

†††

It seems that the state of the subjects was caused not by the fusion of AT Fields, as first assumed, but the shattering of them. The shards of the Fields (whose points of entry were visible just after the incident) then melded together to form a being with one body, two minds, and two souls. Essentially, as blood samples take during the subjects' hospital stay, the AT Fields are slowly fusing, possibly providing the subjects with shared thought processes. The Fields will not hold their own in this state for very long and will eventually merge, combining the separate identities into one.

The process can be reversed only by the will of the subjects through the power of the Evangelion that has also melded as they have. She contains two souls that are housed in one body. Observations made on the Evangelion have proven the possibility of a reversal process. Preparations are being made and the experiment can be conducted within two days. However, if it is delayed to more than a week from now, it is my belief that the two souls will no longer have the will to separate and will seek their eventual merging instead. This cannot come to pass. The soul of Lilith is not ready to become one with her children...

Ritsuko leaned back in her chair and sighed. She began to encrypt the file she had just created, hoping to hide it from the Commander's eyes. That fool...he had no idea what he was doing. For him, this was just a test to see if his instrumentality could come to pass, but he knew not of the dangers. If Rei and Asuka became one, instrumentality would fall into their hands. The timing was wrong and it would mean a true end to everything. The blonde scientist would've prayed had she been more religious. She wished she was like Misato, who believed in miracles, or better yet, Gendo who believed he could create them.

"Just hold out a little longer and be safe," she said instead to the dark void of an office that she never bothered to leave, "Then it'll all be better..." She said it more for herself than she did for the Children.

†††

Shinji was still thinking as the dishes were left to him and Asuka guided herself and Rei over to the couch to watch some quality daytime television. After a few minutes...Asuka obviously got disinterested. Rei probably wasn't even interested in the first place. Shinji finished loading up the dishwasher as fast as he could...not wanting to miss the opportunity for conversation, though he still had no idea what to say.

"Nothing on?" he asked as he observed the disappointed look on the girl's face.

"There never is. Japanese television is a bunch of slop...besides all the old mecha anime." Asuka informed him.

"I have never understood why others view it as such an essential to life..." Rei added.

"At times like this, I agree with you."

Shinji had to admit that it was rather odd to watch someone supposedly have a serious conversation with herself, even if he knew the circumstances. "I guess so..." he muttered.

"I'm bored."

Ah, the phrase that would strike fear into the hearts of many men, mainly one boy named Shinji. His eyes bugged out, though he tried to show no reaction, as he remembered what happened last time Asuka uttered those fateful words. It would be just a tiny bit creepy to have Rei looking on if the same results ensued, so he devised to avoid that at all costs.

"Your face is beginning to turn red, Ikari," Rei observed.

He swallowed. "It's just hot in here...I-I'll open a window..."

"You do that," Asuka said curtly and then her eyes went distant.

What is this? Embarrassment?

Let it be, Rei.

I wish to understand...

Just leave it alone!

But I wish to understand...

I said cut it out!

Then something occurred which neither of the inhabitants of the body of Takahasi Aisu had experienced before. Rei, in her strangely cool persistence, broke the barrier between her and Asuka's minds, only for a moment, and found the image of the redhead and Shinji kissing. Thousands of sensations, emotions, sounds, and smells came along with it, sending Rei reeling back into her own mind.

WHAT DID YOU DO???!!!

I am not sure...but I understand...

YOU FREAK--

It was a pleasant experience, but you denied yourself that knowledge. You are a truly complex existence, Asuka.

I don't need to hear that from you...

It is true...

Just don't do that EVER again!

She didn't respond, but instead took control to notice that Shinji was staring at them. "Is anything wrong, Ikari?" she inquired.

"You've just been sitting there staring at the floor for a while..." he explained.

"Asuka and I were having a discussion," she said simply.

"Um...okay..."

The German took over again. "So what do you want to do...?"

"We...could..." In truth, there really wasn't much to do. "Um...well..."

"I'm bored enough to do a puzzle even! Come on! There's got to be something!"

Shinji mentally inventoried the entertainment contents of the entire flat --TV, SDAT, and various magazines-- and then wondered what Misato did to amuse herself before he came. Another thought came to his mind. "I could play my cello...though that would probably just be boring..." he trailed off.

Asuka's fiery grip on the eyes of the body became distant as she seemed to be trying to remember something, then she suddenly left the room without warning for her own.

"Or not..." Shinji confided to the empty room.

The sound of rummaging came to his ears. Messy, careless rummaging that he would probably have to clean up, but much to his relief, it ceased after about a minute. Asuka returned to the room carrying a smallish box that was covered in a thin layer of dust, obviously untouched since the day she'd moved in.

Shinji shot her a curious look that was answered with, "I think it's in here, or else I didn't bring it, but I think I did."

She sat down on the couch with the box upon he knees and proceeded to rip the tape off and sift through the styrofoam packing peanuts. She pulled out a violin case with a little grunt of satisfaction and started to undo the locks. "I forgot about this thing..." she commented as she pulled it out and gently plucked one of the strings that rang a sour note, evidence of its neglect. "Ach...I need to change the strings. I think there's some in the box too," she fished them out and then finally looked up to meet Shinji's slightly shocked stare. "What?"

"I didn't know that you played."

"And I didn't know that you did until I found you playing."

"So what are you doing?" he asked out of curiosity at her sudden interest with the old violin.

"What does it look like? I'm changing the strings so I can play it, baka!" she snarled.

"What songs do you know?"

"A lot...why do you want to know?"

"Maybe I can play with you?"

The silence was deafening.

The response nearly sent him to the floor. "Why not?"

He blinked and then went to retrieve his instrument. He had expected her to reject his proposal or say something along the lines of "You're not worthy enough to play with me," but she had proven his image of her wrong once again. He didn't understand girls...even more than he didn't understand adults, but he wouldn't let that stop him. After all, it was something to do. He returned with his cello and bow and then began to tune it while she finished with her strings. "It's been a long time since I've played with anyone," he observed. "Probably since about sixth grade..."

"I was in my college's orchestra program for a while, but I lost first chair to some little slut with the IQ of a banana. The director was just a horny old man anyway..."

"Hmm...So what do you want to play?"

"Pachabel's Canon in G. That's got an easy cello part, do you know it?"
Well, he couldn't totally escape her undermining of his intelligence, but it was good enough. "Yeah. I remember most of it."

"Then let's go for it. I'm ready."

"So am I, unless Rei has any suggestions?"

Asuka growled, but Rei took over and cut her off. "I am not very familiar with music, but I would enjoy any piece."

"All right then. Ready?"

"Yup."

The two children played. Shinji's mellow and repetitive cello line back up Asuka's free-flowing ventures into the upper range of the violin. They were going a bit slower than the piece called for, and both made their share of mistakes, but they got through it all the same, and no one really noticed, whether they were playing or observing.

"I find that a greater source of entertainment than television," Rei said, immediately taking over before Asuka could add anything. "I should like to play with you, when I am in my own body again."

"You play too?" Shinji inquired in near wonderment. He had thought he was the only person he knew who played an instrument.

"Yes. I own a viola. The commander thought it would be an entertaining skill to learn and had the instrument bought for me."

"My father?"

"Yes."

"My father..." Images flashed through his head, memories long forgotten, pushed back half by will and half by pure age. Mother had played the viola...

Love is like a violin. The music may stop now and then, but the strings remain forever.
-- June Masters Bacher

-Blue Taboo-

Original Content © Glynnis "Blue Taboo" Lyons 2001, 2002, 2003

- Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction -

- Chapter Eleven -

| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | End |

NGE: Cross

After the rich music, connection became tension and both bodies drifted their separate ways, as well as three minds. Morning turned to afternoon and silence progressed. Shinji had given over to his SDAT, listening to classical orchestral music, unable to tear his train of thought from the song. Asuka had directed herself and Rei towards a few tattered German magazines she had brought with her when she first came. She knew all of them practically by heart, but anything was better than just sitting around and letting the anxiety fill the room like an invisible mist. At first, Rei just drew away into her own little corner of their shared minds, but then she took interest and noted something.

The surest way to a boy’s heart is through his friends…?

Her thoughts echoed in perfect German as she read the language that had always been foreign to her like she was born to it.

How did you do that?!

I must have learned it from you…

But our thoughts are separate…It hasn’t happened before.

Apparently, they are not as separate as we had thought…

Must’ve been because of that weird thing you did to me…

That is a possible theory.

So how did you do it anyway?

I am not sure…I was merely curious, intensely curious.

Well, just save your “intense curiosity” for later, no, never.

If it causes you pain, then I shall not attempt it again.

It’s not pain, Rei. I just…some things are better left alone.

Alright. However, I wish to ask one question.

What?

Is the title of the article true?

Why do you want to know? Are you going after Shinji or something?

No. My interest in him is that of a friend, as I believe it would be classified. I..I was just curious…

She never got her answer, but the article was very informative and brought up some good points, though most of them through right over the enigmatic girl’s proverbial head. Eventually, lunch time came around, and each fended for themselves. Takeout leftovers looked good for Asuka and Rei. Shinji went into to make himself a little soup, headphones still on and bumped into the body called Aisu. He looked up and cringed slightly, the awkwardness of it all streaming through him.

“S-sorry,” he said reflexively, “I-is there anything you need o-or anything?”

“No,” came the slow but firm reply and she walked off towards her room. Which she it was, however, Shinji didn’t know. That was a first, a frightening first…

However, he decided it would be better not to think it over. The possibility of the impossibility of things being as they were again disturbed him. He wanted them back the way they were, forever and always. It never should have happened to them…Two people so different, yet linked by common bond: Eva. Again he began to wonder why he wasn’t included in the process. And again, as he set the pot on the stove, he thought it was because they didn’t want him. He was always so close to finally getting close to them and then he would be pushed back by this damned awkwardness. Why was it there anyway?

Why did everyone have to be so cut off form each other?!

He drowned out his confusion in the simple task of cooking and then eating. Sullenly, he went back to his room, having nothing better to do, and kept listening to his music, occasionally flipping through a few action mangas, none of them very interesting. Before any of the occupants of the apartment knew it, three o’clock rolled around and the phone rang just as the 59 on Shinji’s alarm clock turned to 00.

“I’ll get it,” he called out as he just barely heard it over his music. He just hoped it wasn’t Touji, or worse…Kensuke.

“Hello…?”

His fears were realized and he began to wish that he’d never even thought that as a cracking voice sounded over the line. “Hey, Shinji! Where were you today?”

“Hi, Kensuke. I-I had to go to NERV for some tests,” he lied.

“Oh, so I guess, that’s why Rei and Asuka were gone too, eh?”

“Um…yeah. They probably won’t be in school for a while though…”

“Why’s that?”

“I-I can’t tell you. Classified stuff…”

“Man…oh well, I won’t pressure you then, since I know you won’t talk.”

Misato was right in her assumption that he wouldn’t do well in lying to his friends. Kensuke didn’t really sound like he bought it, and Shinji just felt horrible. He really wished he could tell him, someone, anyone. It would certainly help…

“Do you think you’ll be there tomorrow? It was really boring today because Touji was gone too, visiting his sister or something…I dunno.”

“Maybe. I’m not sure if they’ll need me or not…”

“Oh, well I guess I’ll see ya then. I’ve gotta get started on my homework. Trust me; you’re going to have a ton to make up…”

“Yeah…Goodbye, Kensuke.”

“Later!”

Shinji sighed as he hung up the phone. He felt guilty now. He usually told the truth all the time, never finding reason to lie, other than to save his skin a few times, but this whole cover-up thing didn’t appeal to him in the least.

“Who was it?” Asuka asked through his closed door.

“Kensuke…”

“You didn’t tell him anything, right?” she questioned, her voice rising.

“No…I lied to him…Just like Misato told me to.”

She didn’t respond.

“Hey…Shinji?” Asuka inquired slowly.

“Yeah?” he sighed, turning off his headphones.

“Let’s get out of here…I don’t know about you, but I’m getting pretty sick of being cooped up in here all day and I’ll just guess that Rei is too.”

“But Misato said—”

“Misato doesn’t have to know,” she pointed out, “Besides, I’m gonna go nuts if I don’t affirm the fact that there’s a world outside of here and NERV. It’s been a long time…”

He didn’t answer for a while, but then he got up to open his door only to find her on the other side, already changed into slightly less-revealing clothes.

“A-all right…”

†††

…And the hearts of Children shall burst and their minds fuse.

Only then can the future be seen through the eyes of being, with knowledge like unto that of a Messenger.

The destruction or the salvation of man may come from that which Adam made bind.

However, Lillith will seize the day if ends come to ends.

Then man is the concern of man…

“Aha! So that’s how you see it, eh Ikari? Well…if you’re right, then God must be a sicker bastard than you…”

†††

“We’re fine as long as we don’t run into anyone we know that doesn’t know about it anyway,” Asuka pointed out as they strolled along the streets of Tokyo-3, heading towards the nearest park, “Besides, who goes to the park anyway?”

“Apparently…we do…” Shinji stated the obvious.

“Oh shut up. You don’t even try to be funny…”

Rei piped up in his defense. “I do not think he was trying…”

Asuka just growled in return, not wanting to waste the energy.

That put the rest of their walk back into a silent state, at least verbally…

The world invokes curiosity...

Hmm…is that so?

Just like people…

Of course! You never know what’s going on inside someone else’s head…even we have our limits like this, but the world, as much as it changes is stable. Once you know it, you know it.

You say that because you have seen much, but what of a person like myself? I have never been anywhere else but this city…

Then you’re still getting to know it. I guess that’s what they call growing up…

But you are still a child as well…

Less than you think…

No…less than YOU think. I believe, Asuka, that you are still learning. It is only your mind-set that makes you think yourself wise. You just choose to acknowledge things you know and ignore those which elude you.

What make you think you know everything about me?

Because I am the closest to that it seems anyone has ever been.

Shut up, Rei.

And that’s exactly why you are still learning…

JUST SHUT UP!

“So Shinji…”

†††

18th Scroll, three paragraphs down. It seems you’ve found something interesting…and so have I. We shall see, Ikari.

“You lack the courage to see if you keep yourself from me, fool. Fuyutski! Have this message traced…”

†††

“This is it…” Shinji announced as they reached the park.

It wasn’t much. A small, well-kept playground for the kids and a bike path that ran for a little less than a mile around an obviously artificial pond with it’s share of scrawny trees. It was new, just like the city, and practically deserted at 3:30 pm on a Monday. Three toddlers played on the jungle gym and a few people were walking the path, a man and his dog, two older women jogged it, and a young couple furthest away from them.

“Well, I guess it’s good to be outside again,” Asuka observed. “Let’s just walk around once and go back home…”

“Okay.”

So they did, in silence, as seemingly usual. Asuka kept their body ahead of Shinji, so as not to look like she was with him for any particular reason, specifically that of a date. Shinji kept his eyes glued to the oh-so-interesting gravel of the path, admiring its monotony.

That was not to last. “Hey! Shinji is that you?” a familiar voice called.

He looked up to see Hikari, the class rep, sitting on a bench next to Touji, who exclaimed, “Hikari! Why did—” and then cut himself off in order to not look ever more rude and oafish.

“He’s our friend, Touji. That’s why…”

Needless to say, Shinji was confused, but before he could ask what the hell was going on, Touji finished his blushing and asked, “So who’s your friend?”

Panic set in from all angles, deer in the headlights panic. “Uh…um…”

Thankfully, Asuka got over it. “My name’s Takahashi, Aisu,” she said, almost too sweetly, “I am a friend of Major Katsuragi.”

“You’re a little young to be Misato’s friend…” Touji observed.

“Well, a daughter of her friend’s, but she is still a very fun person. My mother sent me to stay with her while she and my father take a trip.”

“Ah,” Hikari chimed in, “I bet Asuka’s not too happy about that. She complains enough about having no space already…”

“Actually,” Asuka had to keep herself from growling it out, “She’s nicer than I expected. I believe that the descriptions of her I’ve heard were exaggerated.”

“Oh just you wait…” Touji told her.

“Touji!” Hikari snapped, nudging him in the side.

“Well…it’s true…”

Shinji cleared his throat and tried to take the heat off of Asuka. “So what are you two doing here?”

Now it was their turn to go deer in the headlights.

“Um…uh…”

“I went to his house to deliver the printouts for today since he was absent…” Hikari saved him.

“A-and I offered to help her out, since it was the manly thing to do, and we were just on our way to your place…”

“But I wanted to rest…”

Shinji blinked. “Sure…”

“No! Really! Here are your printouts, Ikari, and Asuka’s too,” Hikari said smoothly as she handed him the said papers.

“I guess I’d better get back home…” Touji said after a while.

“M-me too…” Hikari agreed.

Then they bolted like scared rabbits without so much as a goodbye.

“That was…unexpected…and close…and weird,” Shinji stated as he got over the shock.

“This is one of those few times that I will agree with you, Shinji,” Asuka told him.

Rei just didn’t really understand, but she was beginning to. However, she was still very curious…

-Blue Taboo-

“The first and simplest emotion which we discover in the human mind is curiosity.” --Edmund Burke

Original Content © Glynnis "Blue Taboo" Lyons 2001, 2002, 2003

- Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction -

- Chapter Twelve -

| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | End |

NGE: Cross

Having also agreed to return to the apartment, Shinji, Asuka, and Rei were back to square one as Asuka pointed out so nicely in the form of a sarcastic, “Well, that was fun…what now?”

It was about four in the afternoon and it was an especially hot day. The air-conditioned apartment was a welcomed change from the sweaty humidity of the park and the long walk back after the awkward scene that had come to pass there. However, the interest level in the cramped, yet cool space was quite low. It was a hard choice, one that many are faced with on a boring summer day. For safety’s sake, they chose the apartment.

Asuka, and Rei with her, went to her room and rooted around for one of the novels she’d brought with her, only because her step-mother had suggested it. The very thought of the woman stirred up a faint mixture of feelings that Rei couldn’t help but notice.

You…dislike her?

The idea of her.

Why is that?

Like she’s supposed to be a replacement for my real mother after she died. It’s like when you’re a kid and you break your favorite toy and you cry and cry. Your parents offer to buy you another one…but it’s not the same…and if they do buy you that toy, you hate it just because it’s not your old toy.

I never played with toys…

You’re impossible! No wonder you don’t know anything! No one bothered to teach you the basics and now you can’t learn anything else!

But I know many things. I know Eva. I know school subjects.

But those things are only parts of your life, Rei. If that’s all you know, then you must be some kind of social idiot. You have to know people, and how you should feel about them…

But you don’t know how you feel about Ikari…

I want to read now…

I want to know why…

I want to read…

You want to avoid the subject.

...

Your feelings for your stepmother are defined, yet undefined, but that is what makes them feelings, emotions. Those are what separates animal from man. The animal knows death, but not grief. Yet, just as you avoid telling me of Ikari, you avoid feeling for him. It is what separates you from every other human, including him.

If you’re so smart…then what separates man from Angel?

Nothing that we know of…and that is why Angels are a threat. They are at least our equals, or maybe even our betters, so they are our enemies.

A twisted logic…

…You helped me to understand.

What?

Before we were…joined… I observed how you interacted with others. You compete constantly, afraid to be bested because you see the potential in everyone, even Ikari. He is a threat to your status in life because he is your equal…possibly your better.

So why do you even ask me what I feel for him if you know it already, genius?

Because, like you say life is, man has many sides to him, many of which are hidden from view.

And I prefer that hidden stay hidden.

Why?

Because I don’t like being asked personal questions like this!

Why?

Stop!

Why?

STOP!

Why?

Because I’m the only one who needs to know that I need him!

…

I hate you…

You do not.

I should.

Now that you have confessed, I will as well. I need Ikari also…but I need to protect him. You feel that he is necessary to your life, but I feel I should be necessary to his.

God, you’d think you were his mother or something…

He told me I reminded him of a mother before…

I remember that.

I guess his reasons for say so were well-founded.

A sense of relief seemed to coat their shared minds like air-conditioning. No use holding back now. Asuka stopped her rummaging and sat down absently on the bed.

So what do you suggest we do?

Tell him.

No way!

Why not?

It just doesn’t work that way, Rei. Geez! You really are socially illiterate!

I do not understand. I have learned that honesty is a positive thing.

Yeah, but…if you like a boy…you’re not supposed to flat out tell him! Trust me on this one…

What is the benefit in that?

She almost physically smiled.

Fun.

I still do not understand…but you don’t want him for just this “fun” you speak of, correct?

I guess.

You guess?

There’s no real definites here yet, okay Rei?

All right, so what does one do when one likes a boy?

You flirt with him until you get it through his dumb head that you like him without telling him.

That seems like a waste of time.

Kind of…but again, it’s fun. I’m not really in the mood for that kind of thing, though…

So then what do you do?

I don’t know…

Then suddenly, Asuka found herself walking and Rei in control.

What are you doing?!

Maybe you will know when you see him…

Had anyone been in the hallway outside of Asuka’s room, they’d be in for a laugh. The girl with pale blue hair and pale blue eyes, named after ice, was twisting and turning as her two minds fought for control of one body. Asuka didn’t even notice it when Rei first took control. Usually, there was a hypothetical nudge or even a push, but this time she just slipped into the driver’s seat without even a hypothetical sound. They thumped around for about a minute or so, and, had Shinji not had his headphones on…the boy of the hour would have noticed all the funny noises.

Rei, however, won despite Asuka’s protesting…just like an insistent mother. She pulled her furious daughter to Shinji’s door and slid it open.

He looked up curiously at them from his place, lying belly down on his bed with the newspaper and his SDAT, hoping for an explanation before he had to ask.

And just as easily as she gained control, Rei gave it up, leaving Asuka stammering at the door.

“Uh…er…I was lonely…”

“Um…okay…” he responded slowly.

“And so was Wondergirl. Her more so than me…”

“Okay…”

The silence was deafening. “So what are you doing?” Asuka asked.

“Just reading the paper. I was going to try to study a little for school, but I couldn’t concentrate for some reason…” he told her.

Asuka scoffed and questioned jokingly, “What, you worried about me or something?”

He responded seriously, “Yes.”

Her eyes went wide and Rei observed intently with them.

“I mean…uh…I’m worried about Rei too. I just want things to be normal again…”

She swallowed and tried to maintain her air of superiority. “Thanks...I guess…”

He nodded softly and changed the subject. “So when do you think Misato will be home?”

“How should I know?” That gave her the chance to get past the door and she looked around.

Neat little housewife Shinji’s room was a mess. Clothes were strewn about everywhere, as well as various pieces of paper, SDAT tapes, mangas…you name it…it was on the floor. Asuka, naturally, had to tell him so. “This place is a sty!”

“I-I guess I haven’t paid much attention to it, sorry.”

“Oh quit apologizing and I’ll help you clean it up…just to have something to do, of course…” she added.

“Um…”

“Get off your bed and help me! Geez! It’s not everyday I offer to clean your room for you!” she yelled.

“Yes ma’am.”

Kindness…the ability to work with others…compassion; you have them all, yet you use them in strange ways, Asuka.

It’s just the way I am…okay?

Maybe you’ll tell me about it later.

Don’t get your hopes up.

So, the job was done without Shinji ever giving the real reason for his distraction. They didn’t talk much, basically just Asuka yelling at him occasionally, but surprisingly, when he bumped her, which happened a good many times in the tiny space he called home, she didn’t say a thing. Of course, she wouldn’t go near his clothes, but she did a good job with all the mangas, putting them in their proper places without even having to ask. Shinji wondered how she knew. Had she ever been in his room?

Asuka spent her cleaning time thinking about what to say when it was done…she figured that that time was as good as any…

…And Rei watched with a little hypothetical smile…

“Thanks, Asuka,” Shinji said when he came back from depositing the last armful of laundry into the washer.

She was sitting on his bed, toying with the edge of the blanket. “Yeah, whatever…”

He leaned against the doorway, not wanting to set her off by sitting next to her.

After a little while she looked up and him and asked, “Hey, can I talk to you about something, seriously?”

“Um…all right…” He had to try hard to keep from visibly shaking with a mixture of anticipation and fear.

She sighed. “What would you do…what would you do if Rei and I never got separated?”

“I’d try to find out why…It’s not right that you two should have to go through this, since you’re such different people and I know you are. I bet it’s killing you…”
 

“It was at first, but not anymore. You know, Rei, you can talk too…” she verbally told the presence watching from the wings.

“She is correct in thinking so. Asuka and I have…reached an understanding, to say the least,” Rei confirmed.

“You just called her Asuka…” Shinji observed, dumbfounded.

“Yeah, and I called her Rei. It’s part of that understanding…”

“Well, I guess it isn’t that bad then…”

Asuka shrugged. “Yeah, but I still want my body back, and my Eva. It’s a nice place to visit, this…well…whatever you call it, but I wouldn’t wanna live there…”

“I think I get what you mean. You two must’ve gotten to know each other better, at least…”

“More than you would know…” That kind of dried up the conversation right there.

Then Shinji’s eyes observed the most peculiar thing they’d never thought they’d see. It took his mind a while to even accept the reality of it. Asuka was beckoning him to sit next to her. He blinked a few times and eventually forced his shaky legs over there, as far away as he could get, in order to avoid possible wrath.

“But you know what?” she inquired.

“W-what?”

“I learned a lot more about myself, as did Rei.”

He gulped audibly, and Asuka tried hard not to laugh. “I guess that’s a good thing…”

“It is. Now I think I understand why I am the way I am, thanks to Rei being such a freak. It helps to know what other people think of you, don’t you agree, Shinji?” she asked him.

“Y-yeah…”

“You know…I don’t really hate you as much as I act like I do…”

“I thought so, or hoped, that is,” he confessed.

“Yeah…and you know what’s really funny?”

He was really going to wet his pants now. “What?”

“Rei helped me figure out that I actually like you…a lot.” As she said this, she made sure he kept eye contact. Again, relief immediately set in, but a new nervousness took hold as she waited for him to reply.

“I…I don’t know how to say this right, but…um…maybe I’ll just keep it simple. I’ve always liked you, Asuka, a lot and when I thought you were gone, after they first took your and Rei’s body out of the entry plug…well…I realized that I couldn’t ever lose you. I think, maybe, that I really love you, Asuka.”

He had obviously said the right thing, because she threw her arms around him and nearly choked the poor boy. It was a little weird, getting hugged by the girl you loved when she was actually sharing a body with someone else, but it was a start. Now, even more than ever, Shinji prayed that Ritsuko would find a way to help them. That way, he could have the love of his life, and his best friend back as they should be. He held her tight for a long time, feeling a few cool tears slip onto his back, but it was all right now.

Things had to get better for them…

They’d done so much for the world, and now each other…

These Children deserved a happy ending…

If God would only supply…

“The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love and to be loved in return.” –David Bowie

-Blue Taboo-

Original Content © Glynnis "Blue Taboo" Lyons 2001, 2002, 2003

- Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction -

- Chapter Thirteen -

| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | End |

NGE: Cross

“The hour approaches, when no deeds can be judged. Not even the kind are seen, nor mine. In that hour we shall attain what we lost, but patience, its approach is slow. Much has had to come to pass and desperate measures have been taken, enough for the ignorant to misunderstand…and take action. My goal is clear though, unlike theirs. They are left to deal with only what I choose to leave them. They follow my trail, as if it would help, but look at them, Yui. They are don’t know what service they do you…”

†††

Misato gathered herself up from the mass of data reports and printouts that had become her office and proceeded to the vending machine in search of anything containing caffeine. Visions of the wakefulness she had once enjoyed so long ago danced through her head…so much so that she ran right into someone. Files were dropped all over her, as well as a few apologies, even before she could look up to see who she’d collided with. Maya was about to sprint off again when Misato’s eyes focused enough to recognize the girl.

“What are you in such a hurry for?” the bleary-eyed Major asked as she groped around for the last of the files.

“To drop these files off. Have you seen Dr. Akagi recently?” the assistant questioned urgently.

“No, but I’m sure she’s holed up in her lab somewhere,” she assured her and then added under her breath, “As she should be.”

“That’s just it, I can’t find her anywhere. I’m worried, Major Katsuragi.”

“The Eva cages?”

“Nope.”

“By the Magi?”

“Look, I’ve tried every logical place possible! I’m really concerned here!” Maya told her impatiently as she stood up, the last of her files retrieved.

“All right, all right! Have you talked to security?” Misato suggested as she struggled back to vertical.

“Not yet, I can’t really bring myself to trust them at a time like this, but I have looked up something disturbing.”

Knowing that Maya had full access to the Magi, Misato needed only to nod and look curious.

“When I need to find Dr. Akagi and I haven’t seen her in a while, I check the security card database. It tells exactly when, where, and who uses a security card to get into somewhere in the base. I just look for her latest use and that’s where I can usually count on finding her, but her last use was six hours ago.”

Misato blinked. Ritsuko was always complaining about how she had to slide a card through something ever five seconds, so this was highly irregular and damn good cause for Maya’s concern. “Well, where was it?

“Exiting the Eva cages via the elevator, going down.”

“She could be pretty much anywhere then…”

†††

Shinji was nearly asleep when he felt a shifting in his arms and then remembered what they were full of. He sat propped up against the wall of his tiny bedroom, sitting on his bed, a body with two souls lying against his chest. She was asleep, curled up close to his heart, or at least he’d thought. One eye opened, then two.

“I wish to speak with you while she sleeps,” a voice told him.

It took him a second to distinguish it was Rei. He could swear that the two of them were getting closer and closer in tone.

“O-okay.”

“I am sorry if I woke you, but I believe that it is my duty to discuss certain things with you.”

“Oh, don’t be sorry. I should be the one apologizing…I mean, this can’t be anything but awkward for you,” he assumed.

“On the contrary, it is pleasing. Your happiness is important to me, Ikari, as well as Asuka’s, and witnessing you two together is comforting. I bear no ill will to it and I welcome it.”

“I already would’ve guessed that you had some part in this,” he told her with a smile. Rei had gotten over the huge step of making friends and had already leaped into matchmaking.

“That is not what I wish to talk about, though.”

“All right.”

“I wish to ask you a few things…”

He nodded.

“Will you be present for the experiment to separate us?”

“I’ll try,” he said seriously. He had planned to, if they’d let him.

“Also, if it is successful…Dr. Akagi told us…” Rei hesitated, finding that the words to explain her thoughts at life without Eva nonexistent.

“What?”

She took a breath and said slowly, “She advised to leave NERV if we should survive, and take you as well.”

He looked at her for a while, knowing there was nothing but truth in her words, then looked away. It was a little surprising to hear that they’d come from Ritsuko’s mouth, but of the little he’d seen of the head of Project E, he saw only regret. His fickle thoughts of blaming her for the whole mess had quickly disappeared. She wanted to redeem herself as much as he did…and the situation was just as much out of her control as it was out of his. There was only one person Ritsuko would bow to…only one who could tell her to do something and have the consequences just slip right through. Ritsuko wanted them to escape the one person she couldn’t escape…

“Father…”

“What about him?” Rei asked, eager for his response after the long pause.

Shinji wondered if she still idolized him as much as she once did, living for his commands. He remembered being jealous about how they could talk so easily and ashamed at how his heart threatened to explode every time he so much as looked at the man. These days, he didn’t feel like talking with his father at all. He didn’t envy Rei now...he pitied her. He had given up hope on getting to his father’s heart, for it appeared that Ikari Gendo had no heart at all.

“I’ll tell you later, Rei,” he said slowly and wisely, feeling that now was not the time to discuss their contrasting views on the man.

“All right....but concerning Dr. Akagi’s proposition...?”

“I’ve got to think about that a little more.”

“Share your thoughts with me, Ikari. There is no reason not to...”

At that moment, he began to think that Asuka’s blatant personality was beginning to have a negative effect on Rei. Her request, though, did not go unfulfilled.

“I mean, what if more Angels come and we’re not there to fight them? They told me it would be like another Second Impact...and I don’t want to be responsible for that, as much as I hate all of this...and Eva.”

“So you feel that Eva is your responsibility?”

“I guess so. We’re the only ones who can do it, right? They can’t just pull pilots out of thin air and throw them into an Eva when an Angel attacks.”

“Ikari...did you forget how you came to Eva?”

Father...for the first time in years he had written. The possibility of family and purpose had brought Shinji to Tokyo-3 on that fateful day, as small as the possibility was, it still existed in the boy’s mind. How was he to know anything about Angels and Evas and NERV and...everything. He was just a boy trying to find his father again after years of neglect...not a fully trained pilot like Asuka, or a person that lived only for Eva. He hadn’t really lived for anything back then...and he forced his blurred memories of Eva from his mind. It hadn’t existed to him then. Effectively, he himself had just been thrown into battle without so much as a hello or even instructions. Only a freak incident that he couldn’t dare to recollect got him through it. But what was to say that it couldn’t happen again? All along, he’d let himself think he was in some way special...but had it not been for the convenience of his relation to the Commander...it seemed to Shinji that they could’ve just taken any kid off the street.

Any kid off the street to put through hell and back...

“So you do remember?”

“Yes, but I think I want to keep my thoughts to myself now, Rei.”

†††

“Are you sure it’s this one?”

Maya nodded. “Completely sure.”

“It only goes down...I don’t think I’ve ever been on it,” Misato confessed.

“Don’t worry, Major. Your clearance level is high enough...even mine is. If I’m assuming correctly, though, I doubt I’d be able to get much further. You, on the other hand, well...I don’t know.”

Misato’s interest level would be ashamed to called anything below peaked. “What do you think it leads to?”

“Places you and I have only had nightmares about.”

“You’d be surprised. Can you possibly make it so that your little security card trick doesn’t work for us?”

Maya thought for a moment and pulled out her palm top. “Give me a few minutes.”

Misato sighed. “All right, just be quick. I have a feeling that now is not the time to look suspicious.”

The bridge bunny began to quickly access the database. As soon as she got it up on the screen, a brand new entry came up.

“Um...Major Katsuragi?”

“Yeah?”

“Have you seen Mr. Kaji lately?” Maya asked nervously.

“Come to think of it...no. Is...is he missing too?” She tried to hide her growing distress with a cough.

“Actually, no. He just accessed the only other elevator like this one and is descending as we speak...” her screen then reloaded, “Or not. The entry’s gone!”

“I guess your secret’s out,” Misato said tartly, “Well, you can do it in the elevator.”

“Major?”

“I want to see what he’s doing...”

“What about Ritsuko?”

“As much as I don’t want to admit it...following behind him will probably make finding her a hell of a lot easier.”

†††

Rei had simply just gone back to sleep and not responded, leaving Shinji to his thoughts. He would feel better knowing that for sure, the earth would have a chance. Though it would be easier to just run off into the night and let the adults deal with Section 2, Shinji began to consider a formal resignation as the better option. Freedom would probably be nil, even if they let them...even if they would. When he left Eva...he felt that he was leaving more than a responsibility, though he couldn’t quite describe it. Rei had once mentioned something about bonding with Eva, seven or so Angels ago. Right now, Shinji wasn’t in the mood to count them, but he guessed seven to be correct.

He didn’t want to share a bond with Eva or anything having to do with it, with the exception of two pilots, a major, and, depending on certain factors, a doctor. His father...the city...NERV...none of them had to matter. For some reason beyond his grasp, Eva itself, the purple behemoth known as Unit-01, mattered. It was just a tool, he tried to think, but to no avail. He’d seen things in Eva...things he couldn’t explain. He’d felt like he’d felt when he was in his mother’s arms. Eva had saved him and defied all explanation in doing so. There was something there that he couldn’t explain, and that something held him to Eva.

Responsibility or not...it would be nearly impossible to leave that.

All along, it had kept him in the entry plug. He was afraid, sure enough, but deep down, he knew the only place in the world he could truly be safe was inside Unit-01. In a way, it was like a mother...mother...was smiling.

He began to sweat.

“W-was that Unit-01? No...no! It couldn’t have been! Unit-00 had to come before...a-and there had to be models before that!” he whispered it aloud, not even thinking enough to consider the sleeping girl on his chest, “But! Mother? I don’t even remember her...what she looked like...only...only her voice.”

†††

“There! I got it!” Maya exclaimed victoriously as she successfully hacked through the security database and made it seem like their entry had never occurred.

“Well, that’s good for you. Doesn’t this thing go any faster? I don’t want to lose him!” Misato exclaimed.

“We should at least be a little behind, unless you want him to notice us.”

Misato growled slightly. “Point taken...”

†††

Kaji Ryouji stepped calmly out of the elevator on Terminal Dogma level. It had only been a few weeks since his first exploration of this forbidden territory, and Misato’s spoiling of it. He had excepted it, almost. Besides, he now thought that she deserved the truth as much as he did, though he’d rather work alone. As of now, though, he was Akagi hunting. Ritsuko knew of his adventures to this place, so she wouldn’t be surprised if he was to show up. He desperately needed to talk to her about the “experiment” scheduled for the pre-dawn hours of the next day. He’d even checked the security database to find her.

However, he hadn’t paid attention to the time of her arrival in this sector...

So Kaji searched obviously, and proved Misato’s assumption wrong.

Someone else was behind Ritsuko’s disappearance...someone not even Kaji could know about...

†††

It had to be mother, Shinji decided. There was no other excuse for all the sights and sounds he’d experienced in Eva, not to mention the inexplicable feelings and his berserker blackouts. He had always known, or at least suspected, that there was something else besides himself in the beast, though it hadn’t made so much sense before. He even wondered why he hadn’t thought of it before, but the idea wasn’t a happy finding. Shinji had been piloting the same thing that had ruined his very life. It took mother away and made father abandon him when he was young. Now, it consumed his freedom and controlled his every move. Eva simply ran in his family...and did nothing but mar it. Some part of his mother still lingered in that machine from that day long ago...and he couldn’t even remember her face.

Now he had to get inside again. Maybe...maybe during the experiment...at 400 hours tomorrow, or at least that’s what Misato had told him it was just before she left. It was supposed to be a synch experiment anyway. Maybe then...he could find out just how much of her was left...

†††

Misato abandoned all stealth what-so-ever and bounded out of the elevator doors as soon as they opened. She then turned to Maya and asked, “Where would she be?”

“You forget, I’ve never been down her before, so I have no clue,” the technician reminded her.

“We’d better just look for any type of lab. We’re bound to find her that way.” Misato started off down a randomly picked hallway.

“Wouldn’t she have to use her keycard to get into one?” Maya asked as she followed along.

Misato turned to face her with finger pointed. “Let’s just pretend you didn’t say that, Lt. I’ve-never-been-down-here-before!”

†††

“Why do you talk to her? It’s not like she can hear...”

“Poorly choosen words for one as valuable as you are.”

“I’m only valuable to you because you use me for my knowledge. Except for when I know too much...”

“And then your words and actions are foolish for one so intelligent.”

†††

Shinji still lay awake, thinking, when he felt yet another stirring against his chest. She mumbled slightly and opened her eyes.

“Mmm…Shinji?” Asuka asked sleepily.

“Yeah?” he responded and held her a little tighter.

“Can I talk to you while Rei’s asleep?”

The déjŕ vu was starting to wear on the poor boy. “S-sure.”

“I need to ask you something,” she paused for a minute, collecting herself for the responses he might make. “What would you do if I told you…agh! I can’t possibly explain it to you!”

“Come on, Asuka. If you really want to ask me, at least try.”

“Okay…I think…I think Rei and I are losing…the barriers that separate us. I mean, we’re still two different people…but she learned to dream from me, and I can see what she’s dreaming about now and she entered my thoughts once and she made me walk to your room. This was all within the last two days…and the feeling of it is only getting greater and greater. I don’t know what’s happening…”

He sighed and looked away from her for a minute to his little desk lamp, their only source of light in his windowless room. It accentuated the cloudy afternoon that they would’ve seen had there been a window.   He looked back with a slightly frightened expression. “Maybe…maybe you’ve been fused together too long…”

“What’s that supposed to mean?!” The anger of her tone was slightly comforting.

“I mean…maybe you’re starting to go into one person…I don’t know! Anything can happen and I don’t know a thing!” It was true. Shinji felt absolutely helpless…far from Eva…far from mother. Only with her could he do something, but this was beyond that even. Eva had done this to them. Their mothers? He had no clue…only Ritsuko did, it seemed. He wanted so badly to talk to her…and not just timidly agree with whatever knowledgeable thing she said…He wanted information, but he was afraid to ask. He couldn’t do anything for Asuka. Tears of frustration started to form in his eyes.

“Hey! Don’t get upset! I’m sorry I even said anything!” she told him as she reached for his face with her hand.

He took it and held it there. “I shouldn’t say things I don’t know…”

“No…you could be right, but it’s only a twelve more hours, right? We’ll be okay. We’ve gotta get through this somehow, even if we have to try over and over again until I have to figure it out for them. I’m not gonna stay like this forever, especially when I have a damn good reason to want to have my body to myself.”

Shinji smiled and sniffed. “It’s good that you see it like that.”

“Only because I make myself…”

“Well, it’s better than nothing, right?”

She nodded.

He kissed her hand and put it back around him. “I think we all need a little more sleep right now…”

“Good idea.”

“Wisdom is the only great Good and Ignorance the only great Evil.” – Fortune Cookie (seriously).

-Blue Taboo-

Original Content © Glynnis "Blue Taboo" Lyons 2001, 2002, 2003

- Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction -

- Chapter Fourteen -

| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | End |

You Wish! Productions presents...

Neon Genesis Evangelion: Cross

Chapter 14- Watch the Stars

By: Blue Taboo

Proud member of Darkscribes.org and Evafics.org

Children will dream...

And dream Shinji did as he lay in a worried slumber, his alarm set for 3 am to wake him and the body that slept on his chest for a day he both dreaded and hoped for.

Tomorrow was a day of endless possibilities for him. Some were great and brought with them boundless joy while others he could not bear to think about. The ominously ambiguous creature that was Evangelion held the fate of the world in her hands on many an occasion, but now she held the fate of his own little world. Through her, his best friend and new love could be saved or given a thousand tortures even excluding mere death. He knew nothing and was powerless to stop the control that the beast exerted over every life it touched. If they were all to walk away like they had come into this hellish time, could they leave her?

No, Shinji thought to himself before he dozed off, Eva is a trap. As soon as we see Eva, we center our entire lives around it. The more we try to get rid of Eva, the more we become involved in it. There is no use in leaving it. It will find us again...

No matter how hard we run.

The possibilities were like endless waves washing ashore on the beach of Shinji’s subconscious. Each thought that he would not let come to full vision roamed free here on the delicate sands. The first to crash down upon him was only one of many...

†††

“Hey Shinji!” someone shouted from behind him.

He looked over his shoulder to find a familiar figure. Aisu Takahashi, who bade him constantly to just call her by her first name, ran to catch up with him on his way to school. They’d been in a few of the same classes in their first semester of freshmen year and had gotten to know each other through group projects and ending up as lab partners in Biology. She was a nice girl who constantly offered an uplifting atmosphere to his boring life. They’d been good friends for a while now and Shinji was starting to get the hint she wanted more than that.

He stopped and waited, admiring her athleticism and long pale blue hair as she ran. “Good morning, Ms. Takahashi,” he greeted when she caught up with him.

“Same to you Mr. Ikari,” she laughed as she said it, ruining her own sarcasm.

“You’re in a good mood today,” he pointed out, “or at least better than usual.”

“That’s because I know today will be a good day,” she told him, a smile still plastered on her exceptional features.

“How do you know that?” he questioned, beginning to get a little bit confused by her new, more bubbly nature.

“Because of this.” She kissed him on the cheek and then ran ahead as he stopped, dumbfounded. “Catch me if you can, silly Shinji!”

The boy touched his cheek, feeling the warmth of a little blush creeping into it.

No, that’s wrong...she’s two people, not one totally different person! Asuka! What happened to Asuka! A-and Rei! I need them!

†††

Another wave crashed on unwelcoming shores, bringing with it thoughts once denied and thrice forbidden.

“I-I’m sorry, Shinji.” Even Touji was choked up as they stood before two identical graves. Tall black stones in the desert with now meaningless names.

Shinji had run out of tears long before. He had blamed everyone he could, even himself, though it was the bane of his very existence that the situation had been completely out of his control. Asuka was gone, as was Rei. No one could bring them back, especially the pathetic little boy who stood watch over their tombstones. He had not left, not since the day they were buried. It had only been two weeks, someone told him. Everyone visited him, usually several people came each day, bringing him food and drink, pleading with him to go home.

There was no point in going home to an empty house and an empty heart.

He ate their food and drank their water, but he never gave the people that brought them so much as one look. Eye contact was too much. If he was to become cold like his father, the boy would rather die than let history repeat itself, for it was his father that had slashed the final scar on Shinji’s small heart. He was behind the whole damned thing, and he knew that Asuka and Rei would die if they were separated. He killed them, and in doing so, killed his son as well.

It was all Ikari Gendo’s little game, but Shinji would sooner die than play it again.

He was learning now to ignore his body’s craving for earthly needs. Soon he could leave it and see them again.

He was no fool to fall for the pleas of his friends, for they had no idea what he’d been through.

No one living could ever understand.

No! They’ll survive! And if they would die in being separated...I would rather see them alive in any state. Asuka said she hated it, once, but...any life is better than death! But...how could I go back to the way I was without them, if they did die...?

†††

Another invader crashed into the sand, quickly eroding in fear under its might. High tide was coming in, drowning the sand and ending its short time in the sun. It didn’t want to go under again, but it would...Until then, happy thoughts drifted just above it, wishing for their truth in life.

“This is so awesome!” Asuka could hardly contain her exuberance.

She was bounding around their new house just fifty kilometers outside of Osaka-2. NERV had agreed to let them go after the successful separation experiment, but only after replacements had been found. Stubborn Unit 01 was run on Dr. Akagi’s new Dummy Plug system, but Units 02 and 00 had new cores and new pilots being shipped in from distant lands. Shinji didn’t want to see others get trapped in Eva’s web as he’d once been, but after checking over their files, he saw that their lives were already rich, and that they had other things to depend on, besides Eva. All were motherless, like the first three pilots, but they had loving fathers and other family, something the other pilots sorely lacked. They could make it.

But the house...

It was huge, to say the least. The UN had proved to be an able provider, and even though the demands of 24-hour-surveillance, which was now constantly in sight of the three teens in the form of armed Section 2 agents that stood guard over the entire property, the sense of freedom could not be denied. They were given the house, with furniture and many other comforts, as well as enrollment in the finest high school around, that is, just Shinji and Rei. Asuka was given full scholarship to Osaka-2’s most prominent university, which she would be driven to everyday by her own guard. It was for their safety, and NERV’s as well, but the Children were willing to adapt to it, now that they were otherwise free.

“We have five bedrooms and four bathrooms! And a pool in the back!” Asuka recounted with a new-found excitement as she ran by again.

Shinji was in the kitchen, familiarizing himself with it. Misato was to remain his guardian, and Asuka’s as well, though she was still in Tokyo-3. Her dismissal process was much longer, but she would be with them by year’s end. She wasn’t willing to leave them in any respect, and still promised to come by when she could until she was there permanently. For the first time in his young life, or at least the first time he could really remember, Shinji was feeling almost as lucky as the kids he’d help select as the new pilots. He’d have the woman who was quickly becoming like his big sister, his best friend, and his now formal girlfriend all living under one roof with him. It was just too good to believe, but it was happening.

Asuka ran in the kitchen again, only this time with no words, only a little kiss for him and she was off again.

Shinji could get used to this...even if the Section 2 agents thought his relationship funny, and laughed as they watched him blush.

No! That’s too happy. But what am I saying...it’s what I want, right? Why is it wrong, then...because I’m realistic? I know it will end up bad, with my luck. How could a fool like me end up so fortunate like that. No...it could be all right in the end...but I doubt we can get out of here. If I can’t imagine life without Eva, then how can they? Rei knows nothing else, and Asuka’s pride and personality has been built around it. It will take more than words to free us from NERV...

†††

A thunderous sound, like the deafening roar of the monster Evangelion, came as the last wave crashed. The sea of sorrow was tired of baffling the sand and ready to give it its truths. Truth shall be told, even to deaf ears, but the sand invented its own hope. The wave brought with it a mixture of misery and elation and truth it was to Ikari Shinji.

“T-then, they’re all right?” Shinji stammered out as Misato gave him the full report on the separation experiment. He had been present for it, but the results were unclear. There were two Evas and two bodies in them, but their return to consciousness was the only way to tell if two minds resided in them and their two souls were intact. He had been forced to wait in the same chair as before, but Misato insisted on being shown into the room where the two pilots were placed in their slumber. Her rank and security clearance, as well as her demanding tone, got her in, but she also waited, even if in closer proximity, but the hour did arrive, and things appeared well once again.

“They’re both fine, Shinji. I know you want to see them, but it could be a while. The doctors pushed me out of there pretty fast, after I got to talk to them a little, and won’t allow anyone else in. I know it’s hard, but we just have to wait until they’re done.”

The boy nodded, his eyes shining with tears of relief. “Then I’ll wait.”

It wasn’t long before he saw them, but it was a few hours. Time flew for him, surprisingly. He embraced them both, his now distinctly different best friend and lover. They looked untouched in physical appearance. Rei was as pale and slim as the day she went into the entry plug for the first experiment, and Asuka was as fiery as ever, her bright blue eyes once again holding their unique flame within. However, in mind, they were changed and in some ways humbled, while in others enabled.

Life went on.

After days of testing, the experiment was considered a complete success and they were sent to their respective homes. Rei found her dreary and dirty apartment clean and beautiful when she returned, with a note from Shinji explaining his reasons for changing it. She deserved much better, after what she’d been through and how she had helped Asuka and him. He wished her well and would see her the next day at school, for he was busy on the evening of their return.

The quiet of Rei’s apartment contrasted greatly with the joyous din that exuded from the Katsuragi residence. A party had been arranged to welcome Asuka home from the hospital. A lie would have to be told to mutual friends about battle injuries and such things, with no mention of the experiments that had gone on underneath their feet. It reminded Shinji of an earlier party, and one that he had greatly enjoyed. He liked this one better, though, because it meant more.

The fun and games were good, but when the party ended and the guests were on the last train home, he found comfort in other things. Misato had stumbled off to bed, after bidding Kaji a rather long goodbye and explaining to him Asuka’s sudden lack of interest in him. The two young pilots of the household were standing, arms around each other’s waists, out on the little balcony, looking at the stars.

Yes...this is what I hope for, the positive and realistic answer. But I can only hope. I’m helpless and ignorant...trapped beneath the waves and I can’t even swim to save myself, let alone the two people who matter most to me in my little world...

†††

Shinji awoke restlessly to the blaring of the alarm clock. His body was cold and alone, stiff from sitting against the wall and lacking the presence of the girl who’d been sleeping on him all this time. Shinji got back to his senses, wiping the dreams from his sandy eyes, and then shut the alarm. He set off to find her, and in doing so, almost passed the balcony door. The sudden ruffle of a white sundress he didn’t even know that Asuka owned alerted him to the figure’s presence.

The icy body leaned against the rail, her head turned up towards the stars. The soothing night breeze was tossing her pallid blue hair around, as well as the dress. Shinji thought, if only for a moment, that it was sad, how much he wanted this beautiful creation to be forgotten. His memories of her components, however, had more weight than her frozen beauty could offer.

“Come on, Asuka, Rei,” he said softly so as not to disturb them. “It’s time to go.”

“There’s still a little time. Just let me look at the stars a little.”

And for the first time, Shinji stood shocked, for he could truly not identify the speaker.

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

-- Oscar Wilde

Thank you to my lovely pre-readers...The grand Karina Kineshi, the insane Lord Deathscythe, the ever-sappy Random1377, and the master of coolness and scythes Shinagami.

-- Blue Taboo

Original Content © Glynnis "Blue Taboo" Lyons 2001, 2002, 2003

- Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction -

- Chapter Fifteen -

| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | End |

You Wish! Productions presents...

The Long Awaited...

Neon Genesis Evangelion: Cross

Chapter 15 -- Alpha to Omega/Are You Happy Now?

By: Blue Taboo

Proud member of Darkscribes.org and Evafics.org

Happiness depends on ourselves. -- Aristotle

It’s not the end(s) but it’s getting closer.

Welcome to a state of uncertainty beyond all reason...

You are now reading the first phase of the End of Cross.

A thought registered in Maya’s worried mind as she and Major Katsuragi trekked down through dark and unfamiliar hallways in hopes of finding Ritsuko and Kaji. “Major,” she whispered, though there was really no need to, “I just checked the time on my PDA. The experiment begins at 0400 hours and we only have a little more than half an hour. I need to be in cage 7 if Ritsuko can’t be there.”

Misato stopped and turned to face the tech. She didn’t bother to whisper and interrogated firmly, “Can you do the experiment without her?”

“I know how to...” Maya replied, sounding unsure of herself.

“I repeat,” Misato nearly shouted, “Can you do it without her?!”

“Dr. Akagi gave me her instructions. She told me to memorize them and then to erase and destroy the disk they were on. I can do it...but what if something goes wrong?”

Misato sighed and turned her shoulder to the younger woman. “God knows enough has gone wrong already. Get up to that cage, Lieutenant, and get ready. I want you to go ahead with the experiment whether or not Ritsuko is there, you understand?”

“But--”

“Don’t start. Even if we’re all completely screwed because of this, or even if we already are, you may be able to give two girls their lives back, and that should be enough to overcome any fear, got it? I’m not going to take no for an answer...” Misato turned her back on the girl and started to walk off again, leaving Maya to make the decision.

“Yes...ma’am.”

The nervous tech’s footsteps echoed away from Misato as she went onward. She remained certain of her belief that if she found Kaji, she would find Ritsuko and everything would be all right again. If not...well...Maya said she could do it, but Misato found it hard to trust people with so little self-confidence. As she’d seen with Shinji; they go wild sometimes and don’t know what to do. Maybe if she went with Maya? No...she had to find Ritsuko. As much as the blonde got on her nerves, ignored her, and didn’t know how to have fun, Misato owed it to her. She couldn’t leave her friend to the mercy of Commander Ikari. 

“I won’t let him kill you just because you didn’t follow his little plan...” she told herself, now catching the chill that brought on whispering.

“Kill who?

†††

They had been silent for the whole walk, just like the city. The normally busy and bustling capitol of Tokyo-3 was not yet awake at 3:30 in the morning, and the two, rather, three people who were walking through its lonely streets mirrored its eerie silence. An uncertain fate awaited them. There were so many possibilities, whether the experiment was a success or a failure, or something all together different. A barrier had been crossed, that was for certain. Two people had become one, unwillingly.

Before it happened, Asuka and Rei barely knew each other. Asuka only knew Rei as the creepy girl that did only what she was told to. Rei only knew Asuka as the loud disturbance to the relatively quiet life she had led until the Angels came. Both had one thing in common, though, despite their differences in every way. Both of them had secrets that they simply could not share...Secrets that they were now forced to reveal. The two girls who were on the verge of hatred only a week before now knew more about each other than most lovers ever will. They had to know.

“It’s strange to see the city so quiet,” Shinji mused, trying to break the silence.

“Yes, yes it is.”

They both could feel it, a tugging on their minds, a spilling over. They both knew what was happening, but they were both denying it. Instrumentality was a word the Commander often mentioned, but its meaning was vague to Rei’s memory. Asuka couldn’t make sense of it, but she knew it had something to do with this feeling, a feeling she wasn’t sure was at all physical. The word feeling was inadequate to describe it, yet she felt it. Both girls knew, but they simply couldn’t put it into words.

Only a little longer...

May the wrongs be righted...

†††

Maya walked into the booth of Cage 7, satisfied that the Evangelion was in place. The crew had been told various things, none of which were true. To them, this all seemed routine, except for the strange hour at which it was conducted and the fact that “Unit 1.5” was the test subject. They had to remain ignorant, no one could know. It was a horrible thing that had been done, if Ritsuko was even telling her the truth. Did Commander Ikari even see that his grand scheme was harming human lives? Maya wasn’t sure why she was still there. It didn’t make sense to her, this sacrifice and pain...for the sake of what?

She wasn’t sure anymore, but she was never sure in the first place.

Only an incident like this could make her realize that.

“Start up the systems and get a direct link to the MAGI,” Maya told the weary bridge bunnies that were ready to go home after a long night’s work. “Load program code name: Subvert.”

Ritsuko had written it, out of hours of sleepless guilt. Subvert had been created and was stored in the maze of NERV’s files, never to be seen until that day. The program had to work perfectly in order to undo what had been done. The frequency of the signal that had shattered the fields had been derived from the same set of equations that could derive its antidote. Ritsuko had done it over and over, painstakingly making sure that she got it right. She didn’t want to aid in one more disaster, one more hurtful action. It was time to subvert this organization of pain.

“Sempai...” Maya whispered so that barely any sound escaped her lips, “God help you. God help us all...”

†††

“Kaji?” Misato asked, her heart racing and her breath short with fear for her life, hoping that she was correct.

“Who else?” the man replied, stepping out of the shadows of the subterranean corridor.

“Oh thank God...” she sighed in relief, dropping her guard.

“You certainly seem happy to see me,” he said grinning and advancing toward her.

“There’s no time for that now! Listen, Ritsuko’s down here somewhere and we need to find her. As we speak, Maya’s probably prepping for the experiment. Maya said she could do it herself, but personally, I think I’d feel a lot better if Ritsu were there...”

Kaji fixed his eyes to hers. “Then I won’t waste time. Commander Ikari is down here as well. I have no idea what he’s up to, and you know how much I hate not knowing what’s going on.”

“Then let’s find out,” Misato cried, then cringed as she heard her own echo.

“Do you have your pistol?” Kaji asked suddenly.

“Yeah...” Misato affirmed cautiously. “Why do you ask?”

“My guess is that you will need it soon enough...”

Misato looked at her feet. She hated that gun...she hated to touch it, but it was for a cause, a good one. She only used that thing when she needed it, but now, it began to dwell on her that everyone around her might just need her gun. She pulled it out its holster. The cold metal was warm from the rapid beating of her fearful heart. She clicked the safety off.

“Then let’s do this,” she finally said, looking him in the eyes again.

“Just so you know, this is bigger than anyone knows.”

“I thought as much. Let’s save the world again, this time for real.”

“With pleasure,” Kaji said through a sadistic grin and pulled out his own handgun. He pointed toward the door at the end of the hall. He didn’t have to tell her to follow him, or what was behind that door...They both knew.

†††

“I guess I should tell them we’re here...” Shinji surmised.

The Children had been standing in awkward silence outside the locker room door. Asuka didn’t want Shinji to leave, but she knew he had to. Rei was worried, but only Asuka could detect that. She had let Rei have control for most of the way over, since Rei was a whole lot more composed than she. Asuka was worried.

Why did all of this happen now? Why did it all have to be now?

Everything happens for a reason...

I don’t need your cryptic shit right now, Rei. Let me say goodbye.

Let us hope you shouldn’t have to...

“Shinji,” Asuka’s voice wasn’t as prevalent as the first time it has spoken through the pale lips of the combined form of the two girls, but the boy she was talking to found solace in the fact that he still could tell the difference between his love and his friend. “Shinji, I just want to tell you something before you go.”

She took his hand, and both of them knew what was coming, before she even said a word. Tears welled up in Shinji’s eyes, and Asuka was fighting them so hard that she could barely speak.

“I just want you to know, that I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry I was never true to you about my feelings and I’m sorry that this all happened now. I’m...so sorry...” Her tears refused to be held back. Asuka had told herself she would never cry again when she was a little girl, but she had cried so much over that week that she had almost forgotten the promise she had made to herself. It was all just too much. She didn’t know what would happen, or if things could ever be the same again. She didn’t know if she would die that day, or suffer a fate too horrible for words.

Shinji squeezed her hands. “You shouldn’t be sorry. I don’t know why this all happened or what’s going to happen next, but I know that if it didn’t, we’d still be in the same rut. I couldn’t love you then...”

Asuka looked up at him, and tried to smile, but she couldn’t make herself. She didn’t know, and it killed her not to know if she would be allowed to have a future, now that she knew everything else she should have known before.

“G-goodbye. Just, just remember me, okay?” she pleaded one last time.

I can’t do this...help me mamma!

But you must.

The shared body snapped back to a rigid state of emotionlessness as Rei regained control. “She was too upset,” she explained. “I hope that we meet again, Shinji Ikari.”

He nodded, a hot tear streaming down his heated cheek. “I hope for that too. Goodbye Rei...Asuka...”

Then he ran. He couldn’t take it any more.

It was just too much...

Oh no! It’s over? Pfft...yea right. Look for Cross: Adieu to follow this shortly. I will finish this fic, even if it kills me. I owe it to you guys, if nothing else. Don’t ask me about Price of Life...I barely have enough motivation for this one. Let me concentrate on that when I’m done with Cross. I’m trying my hardest because my readers are all awesome...Yes, even you. I'm still writing!

Special thanks to Random for pre-reading for me, yet again.

- Blue Taboo 2003 -

Original Content © Glynnis "Blue Taboo" Lyons 2001, 2002, 2003