Taking Sights, Asuka and the Ikaris  |
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By Lavanya Six 3 Comments Post Comment |
June 18, 2008 |
| Secondary Genre: Drama | This chapter has received 408 visitors. |
| Series: Evangelion | |
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Author's Note: This chapter – unlike the ones preceding and following it – is written in the First Person POV. I hope the change won't be too jarring for you, the reader, but I'm doing this for a good reason. More on that after the end of this chapter but for now sit back for something a little bit different…
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# # # presenting # # #
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TAKING SIGHTS
Chapter 10 – Asuka and the Ikaris
Written by: Lavanya Six
(please don’t sue)
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# # # another installment in a continuing series # # #
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Part I: Gendo Ikari
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"Are you going to shoot me?"
It's a simple question, one that the old Professor buried inside Fuyutsuki uses as a bludgeon. The best teachers have a way of asking questions that makes the other person feel like a fool. The gun in my one hand suddenly feels heavy and odd. The glass of bourbon in my opposite hand feels as silly as a sock puppet. I shouldn't be holding these things. I shouldn't NEED to hold these things.
I can't tell Fuyutsuki any of that. I have to maintain control of the situation. "If you continue to talk out your ass as an authority on matters beyond your understanding..." I take a childish little pause "...then yes, Professor. My patience has a limit."
That's a lie. Not that I have limits; that my patience has a limit.
I'm not sure if Fuyutsuki sees through my desperate ruse. He's disgusted, yes, but that was the intent of this improvised show. "My God, Ikari. What the hell happened to you?"
I almost laugh. I would laugh if the truth weren't so awful. How can he not see? How can he not understand? He's the last man on Earth who knows me in any meaningful way. Instead he's blind. "Yui," I say.
The Professor stares at me. I can't stand him staring at me. I need him out of the room. The shame of my weakness...
I gesture towards the door with my gun. "Get out."
He doesn't walk towards the door. He ambles. Casually. The prick.
He knows I won't shoot him.
I've never told anyone, not even Yui, just how much the Professor can get under my skin. Maybe it's because he's just a simple man. Brilliant in his own narrow way but so limited. People of science often are. Naoko only had her mind and her body. Ritsuko has her mind and her insecurities. Yui, I now realize, eclipsed such limits. She was capable of anything. But Fuyutsuki? He lives comfortably within himself, content with those limitations.
Yet despite those limits he almost won Yui.
He could have had her if he'd fought. Do you know that one upon a time I was actually afraid of him talking her away? I just KNEW he could do it even though at the same time I KNEW he didn't have the balls to try. But he doesn't resent himself for his failure. He knows he wasn't the sort of man to win her so he finds contentment with the memories of his short time with her. I could never do that. I didn't do that. I had to have Yui. Always.
The doors close behind him.
There's no one left to make a fool of myself for, save myself. I don't need a gun to do that so I tuck it away.
The glass in my other hand is heavy. I can't set it down. I don't have a good reason to set it down.
In my whole life only one person has ever seen me for more than the man I show to the world. She's gone now, but when she was here she...
Bah. You're being sentimental, Gendo. The fact is that TWO people have seen through me. It makes sense that HE does, HE'S her son after all. It figures that HE would find the perfect words to use again me.
Shinji knows that I'm going to die alone.
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I walk carefully back to my apartment, not letting my Section-2 detail see how much I've had to drink. I don't dare consume too much outside my private quarters, just enough to start the evening. SEELE has spies everywhere. With the upcoming conference in Berlin I can't afford to be seen as weak. I drink alone, in my kitchen, behind a locked door.
I am not weak. I do not drink to escape reality. I drink to control the dreams.
Tonight it doesn't work.
At some point I find myself in the bathroom, heaving sour liquor into the toilet like some frat boy who found out he just kissed a tranny. What a waste of good bourbon.
The dreams started fifty-nine days ago, the first night after my rebirth. No, rebirth is the wrong word. It implies a change, a catharsis of the spirit. I was not reborn into the past. I was resurrected.
They weren't bad at first. It was logical to expect some residual trauma from the events that led me to this place and time. Not just my death... there was Rei II's death; our near-miss with Unit-00's destroyed Core; the creeping invasion of ADAM into my body over those last weeks. I don't remember those first dreams, only that they were filled with blood and ash.
But ever since Shinji came to Tokyo-3 they've started coming more frequently, and, disturbingly, FAR more vividly. They've taken on a character that fills me with a nameless dread each time I lay down to rest. Since that confrontation with Shinji on the balcony I've had them every night. Drugs don't block them. Drinking only sometimes dulls them. Pathetically, Ritsuko's visits held them at bay. At least that's what I thought until she told me she'd caught me having multiple nightmares. Now I don't even have my little blonde placebo.
Worse, the power of the dreams is increasing.
It's becoming that I can't close my eyes with having one. I wish I could remember them. I can't ever hold onto the details, only some half-remembered fragments I scribbled down upon awakening in a bid to make sense of it all:
Shinji.
Screaming.
A... beach?
People clapping.
A folding chair.
Rei.
A tree.
Useless. All of it. Anyway, what would be the point in remembering more? I know what the dreams mean. I know what they're trying to tell me. See, I'm…
I'm losing my… my….
All these dreams? They're just the first cracks in my mind. All because of Yui. It always comes back to Yui.
The truth I can no longer ignore is that she's gone and she's never EVER coming back. I'll never see her again. Never hold her hand again. Never talk with her again. I won't even see her in whatever hell people like us go when we die. She's stuck in Unit-01 forever. Instrumentality via a controlled Third Impact was the only way I'd ever be able to get her soul out of Unit-01. The plan failed.
Of course, I was operating under the assumption she WANTED to get out of Unit-01. Silly me. If I had known she'd planned the whole thing from the start, that there was a reason for her to be in Unit-01, I might have done things differently.
Way to communicate, Yui.
Do I blame her? No. I understand why she did it. Her plan was beyond ambitious; it was noble. Would I have stopped her if I'd known ahead of time? Hell yes. I'd never have let her do it. Neither would have Fuyutsuki. We both loved her too much.
God, to know everything you gave yourself over to for the last decade was counterproductive – pointless even. Who could live with that?
Not Rei. Just look at her. She's more my child than Yui's despite the lack of genetic contribution on my part. Once I removed Rei's driving purpose she decided the best thing to do was to off herself.
I can empathize.
So my dreams? They're just unresolved emotions and bits of guilt starting to eat away at my unconscious mind; in other words, useless crap. All those years of honing my self-control are the only thing keeping me together.
But once this is all over?
Once I kill Keel and stop Third Impact forever?
I look into the bathroom mirror – sharp chin, neat beard, thin eyebrows, trail of vomit at the corner of my lips – and still see myself.
It's still me.
I'm still all here.
For now.
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Fuyutsuki says nothing about the incident when he steps into my office the next morning.
"The Third Child?" I ask.
"The retrieval went as planned. Captain Katsuragi reports that he has settled back into her residence with no problems. Per the Captain's recommendation I've authorized her to let the boy reenter school today and to hold off on the synch testing until this evening in the interest of strengthening his social ties to Tokyo-3."
"And his mental stability?"
The old man's left eyebrow wiggles. He wants to say something about my choice of wording. He doesn't. "She gives him a conditional pass. Apparently he seems resigned to piloting Eva. It's not ideal b-"
"-but life never is."
I leave the bottle in my desk that day.
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Shinji synchs at 41.1 percent. Doctor Akagi conveys my displeasure.
The dreams come again. This time I'm in an empty theater, calling out for Yui, when the world cracks like glass around me.
The bottle comes out before bed the next night. It helps a little.
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A few days later I'm in Terminal Dogma staring at NERV's newest abomination.
"The Dummies are prepared for First Stage processing," explains Dr. Akagi, her eyes carefully avoiding the carefree faces of the spare parts floating in the LCL tank. "We just require an additional component for that."
I look at them, the soulless things. They laugh faintly at me. "And what about the Mark Ones? How long until they enter Third Stage processing?"
"Barring complications, six weeks."
Since Ireul won't be disturbing our production schedule that would put Dummy Plug's completion date one month ahead of the date in the original timeline; plenty of time to refine it properly. "That will suffice," I grunt. "Good work."
I can tell she's pleased. The Dummy Plug meant a great deal to Dr. Akagi on a personal level. Its abject failure went a long way to her mental breakdown.
One of the things floating in the tank smiles at me. It's an involuntary muscle reaction. Nothing more.
"The Chamber of Gaf is empty," I whisper.
"Commander?"
I glance over at Ritsuko. "Nothing, Doctor. Carry on."
I leave.
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Later that evening we see each other for the first time since our telephone conversation.
Fuyutsuki and I are in the Fourth Cage, inspecting the armor upgrades on Unit-00. At the same time, on the walkway running parallel to us below, Captain Katsuragi is escorting her two charges back from a synch test. Shinji is talking with Rei, who is actually paying attention to him and not just listening. He's smiling. Captain Katsuragi laughs.
They look like a family.
Then he spots me standing above.
Our eyes meet.
"This is my Father's work?"
"That is correct," I say, announcing myself. Shinji jerks his head up to look at me. There's a hunger for love in his eyes. I relax. I know this will work now. "It's been a long time."
Shinji's smile dies.
My gloved hands tense ever-so-slightly on the walkway railing.
Quickly, before his two companions realize anything is wrong, he bows his head and hurries along to catch up with them. It's comforting, his reaction. In a world that is both familiar yet in flux Shinji's continued inability to confront me face-to-face is as comforting as my customary lunch of chicken and rice.
I turn to Fuyutsuki. "Order Lt. Ibuki to supervise the installation of the pauldrons. We had trouble with their power interface last time."
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Once I relaxed by rereading passages of the Dead Sea Scrolls, scanning them long into the night in hopes that I'd gain some key insight into their signs and portents. Now I turn the lights off in my office, pour a drink, and review the footage from the spy cameras I had installed in Katsuragi's apartment.
It's fairly uninteresting material, consisting mostly of the Captain feeding her addiction, Rei sitting alone in her room reading, and Shinji being boring.
My son's chronic weakness is a fear of being hurt and rejected by others. As a defense mechanism he acts as inoffensively as possible, bending to the wills of everyone around him in a bid to gain their approval. As a tool it makes him easily controllable. As reality television it makes him a cure for insomnia.
Tonight, happily, the footage shows that Shinji brought a friend over after school - a girl, no less. I kick my feet off my desk and lean over the computer monitor, attentive to this intriguing development. What follows is sadly platonic.
Shinji and the Horaki girl sit at the kitchen table and work on a school project. That's it. No flirting. No subtext. Nothing. At least not on Shinji's part. The pig-tailed girl makes some flustered, clumsy attempts at catching his attention.
"Here. Let me make the tea. I'd like to."
"No, no," insists Shinji, playing the dutiful host. "It's fine. I can do it."
"But I'd like to make it."
I snort at the whine tingeing her voice. Her feelings are as apparent as a shot from a flare gun at midnight. Shinji, however, doesn't have the experience and perhaps not the interest to hear it.
"It's alright," he sighs. "I can do it."
I rewind the segment to watch it again. As it plays through I nearly choke on my drink as a new idea comes unbidden to me: in the closing days of the original timeline Section-2 had reported that the boy had spent nearly all his time with the Fifth Child.
Had it been more than a desperate friendship?
He had lived with two physically attractive females, one of whom was his own age, with no reported incidents for nearly a year. Granted, Shinji was a coward who shirked from human contact, but still.
And had been rather upset about the Suzahara boy. Had there been... something... there?
"Hmm."
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(Shinji whimpers as he strangles the girl under him.)
("Did you know my cat died?")
(Unit-01, feral and demonic, grins as it hold me in its hand.)
(Yui smiles. "You aren't half as clever as you think, Mr. Rokubungi." And with that she pours her cup of beer over my head, much to the amusement of everyone standing around us at the party.)
(That GODDAMNED child! WHY, why NOW of all times does he grow a spine? Isn't he thinking at all?! "It's better than the current pilot!" I shout at Lt. Ibuki. "Now DO IT!")
(I grin at her sideswipe. Yui looks fantastic in that lab coat of hers. "Why, yes, you could go have that drink with the Professor like you planned. He certainly has eyes for you." She laughs, brushing off the uncomfortable truth. "Or you could skip your date and go do shots with me at Nana's.")
("I'm sorry, Shinji." And then Unit-01 bites down.)
("It was sick and now I'll never see it again.")
(The girl's neck snaps.)
.
(There was a TREE and he was wearing a horrible t-
.
.
"Ikari?"
I blink away the sleep. My body is slow to respond. I feel feverish. There's a board between Fuyutsuki and me.
Ah. Yes. We were playing Go.
"Professor," I say, "do be more prompt when you consider your moves in the future or else I'll keep finding better things to do with me time."
That merits a smile from the old man. His eyes tell a different story. Fuyutsuki never learned to lie with his eyes.
"Of course," he replies.
I still pull out a win but it's too near a thing for my comfort.
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Looking back I've come to the conclusion that it all fell apart with the 13th Angel.
Before the 13th Angel everything hung together. Akagi had faith in her capabilities as a scientist. Shinji piloted with no real qualms aside from his characteristic weaknesses. The Second Child still maintained her fragile ego with the foolish notion that she was the 'best' pilot, this despite her clear lack of Angel kills compared to the Third. Still, at least then she could still synch with Unit-02 and contribute to Shinji's efforts.
But then the 13th Angel came and it all started going to hell.
I have to admit... I hated Shinji for the 13th Angel. He disobeyed orders, then suddenly grew a conscious about fighting. As if it mattered the possessed Unit-03 had a pilot aboard! It was an enemy, an Angel! It had taken out two Evas in under sixty seconds, attempted to infect Unit-00, and had mostly destroyed NERV's facilities at Matsushiro. For all Shinji knew the 13th Angel had killed Major Katsuragi – and he still refused to fight! Instead he moaned about not wanting to kill a human being.
As if he hadn't killed human beings before.
In the entirety of the original timeline's Angel War the Evangelions were indirectly responsible for the deaths of approximately sixteen thousand souls. Most of those belonged to the loss of part of the Pacific Fleet against the 6th Angel or to the self-destruction of Unit-00 against the 16th Angel. But Shinji had nearly a thousand kills on that tally, mostly from not entirely evacuated building destroyed during the early Angel encounters. It was a body count NERV withheld to protect his and the Soryu girl's mental states.
That proved to be a mistake when the 13th Angel came.
Perhaps if Shinji had had a bit of blood on his hands he wouldn't have been so squeamish about doing his job, even if he might possibly have held other feelings for Unit-03's pilot. But we didn't tell him and he didn't fight. The 13th Angel tried to kill him and Yui. It would have gone on to kill us all.
So I ordered the Dummy Plug activated.
What happened next was meant as a lesson: putting morality before necessity has a terrible price. It was a lesson that Yui and I understood in 2000 AD. I think Shinji understood after the 13th Angel.
After all, he did kill the 17th.
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I take the cigarette from Ritsuko, careful not to tip hot ash on her bare chest. We're not doing anything kinky tonight.
She frowns at my previous question. "Gay? Shinji?"
"No, Bi-curious. Although the evidence is inconclusive," I say, taking a drag. I hate smoking in bed but Ritsuko's habits had rubbed off on me over the years. The fact that she sees it as 'changing' me must give a boost to her empty-headed hopes of there being something more between us. "However I have my suspicions."
"Huh." She pauses, thinking it over. "I suppose it's possible. It would explain a few things." I hand her back the smoke. "Not that there's anything wrong with that."
"Obviously."
Ritsuko fidgets. "Of course he might just have not have hit puberty yet. Probably for the best considering his roomm-" She freezes.
"I've given Rei specific orders not to involve herself sexually or romantically with the Third Child."
"O-of course."
Shit. She's doing that thing she does whenever I mention Rei when we're in bed together. There isn't going to be a Round 4 tonight now, and if I don't do a little magic with my silver tongue she's going to leave in a huff and leave me alone with my nightmares.
"Jealousy of a man's daughter isn't very rational, Ritsuko."
Note I never said I didn't want her to leave in a huff.
Ritsuko gags on her cigarette. Odd. I thought she'd learned to suppress that reflex by now. "D-daughter?"
I shrug. She stares at me. I suppose she wants an explanation. "I'm not having her live with the Third for security purposes."
The questions dance in her eyes. At that moment she looks so like her mother but like her mother she won't push the boundaries. She knows there are limits to our relationship.
"I think it would be best if you slept at home tonight," I say, getting up to make my way to the bathroom. "You'll need to be well rested to oversee Unit-02 after its arrival tomorrow."
I use the bathroom. By the time I come back to the bedroom she's gone.
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Captain Katsuragi's voice crackles over the speakerphone, "I'll keep you updated should conditions change, sir."
I'm livid. Fuyutsuki glumly dismisses the Captain.
The line goes dead.
"Well," says the Vice-Commander, "this complicates matters."
I glare at him. He has the decency to shrink back. I'm in no mood for even a HINT of humor at this news.
Goddamn it! The weather?! How did I miss the fucking weather?! What an amateur screw-up! I should have had Katsuragi transport the umbilical cable to Sasebo while the fleet was re-supplying. Now because some damn tropical storm suddenly veers south instead of north all our heavy transports are grounded. There's no way to helicopter a cable to the Over the Rainbow in the time remaining. Unit-02... the plan... is going to be FU-
Breathe.
...okay. Nobody's dead yet. I can still fix this mess.
Fuyutsuki dithers as usual, making excuses for things that aren't his fault. "The ripples from changing history are just starting to affect events on a macro-level. You couldn't have anticipated th-"
I hold up a hand to silence him. I'm not in the mood. "Don't. Whatever the reason it's still a mistake. All that matters now is securing ADAM and preserving Unit-02, and, if possible, its pilot."
"You have a plan."
It's a statement, not a question. Of course I have a plan. I'm me. The problem is that any moron can have a plan, that doesn't make it a good plan. Just look at Shoko Asahara: the man got shit done but for what meaningful end? "You will contact Inspector Kaji and tell him to immediately send the Second Child to Unit-02's cargo transport. If he asks for an explanation tell him that NERV suspects Unit-02 may possibly attract an Angel. So far all the Angels have approached from that area of the Pacific Ocean and we don't want to hazard the risk of losing Unit-02."
"Will he buy that?"
"No, but it will get the Second into the Entry Plug. Mister Kaji is smart enough to know what we really mean."
"I'll see to it immediately."
"Good," I say, and reach into my desk as Kozo reaches for the desk phone.
Fuyutsuki eyes the bottle and glass I pull out. "It's a little early to start the day."
I halt mid-pour to glare darkly at the old man. "Are you insinuating something, Vice-Commander?"
"Yes," he says.
It's hardly early in the morning for me. When you run a global paramilitary agency with braches on every civilized continent left on Earth you don't get to sleep on a normal schedule. I've only been up for... damn. Did I take that nap this morning or yesterday afternoon? It all runs together after a while. I know I'm due for some rest, it's going to be a long day otherwise, and to do that I need to chase away the dreams.
"Your concern is touching," I was going to offer him a glass but instead I replace the bottle's stopper. "However, this is one matter I do have under my control."
The drink goes down easy.
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The call comes in three hours later. It stirs me from the catnap I was taking lounging in my desk chair. The dream I was having slips through my fingers.
I rub my eyes as I pick up the phone. Everything's bleary. I reach for my glasses and slide them back on. "Report."
"Sir," quietly says Captain Katsuragi, "we've just learned that an Angel attacked the fleet transporting Unit-02."
Attacked. Past tense. "The Angel was destroyed?"
"Yes, sir."
"And Unit-02?"
"The Eva was recovered following the completion of the engagement." She pauses. "Sir, there's more."
The Second Child. Damn it. "What?"
She explains. By the end of it I need another drink.
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Part II: Asuka Langley Soryu
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Once upon a time there was this little girl and her mama.
The little girl loved her mama and knew that she would always be there for her even if the mama had to go away to work a lot. That was okay though since the girl knew her mama still loved her just like her papa loved her. They were a family and they were happy.
And then one day the little girl's mama didn't come home from work.
Nobody told the little girl why her mama was gone, only that she couldn't come home because she was sick (though they said she really wanted to come home). When the people around her thought the little girl wasn't listening they used words like "accident" and "trauma" and "mental contamination". The little girl, despite being very bright for her age, didn't really know what these words meant. She just knew that her mama was sick and that she missed her mama a lot. The little girl grew sad and cried a lot.
Then one day the girl's papa took her to visit her mama...
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The voice calling my name pulls me out of my sleep but I'm still in a twilight. I keep my eyes shut and play dead.
"Asuka, don't think that works on me."
I crack one eye open. The cabin is far, far too bright. The man leaning over me is a nice sight, though. "It's too early, Kaji." I close my eye and keep still wrapped in my warm sheets, hoping his vision is movement-based. I have no such luck.
"Actually, you've overslept. It's nine in the morning, Tokyo Time. You need to start adjusting your circadian rhythms."
"Clock, schmock." I pull the standard naval-issue blankets up closer around my chin.
"The Commander's orders were quite specific."
Life if governed by two opposing forces always in tension: the need stay the same (sleep in) and the need to change (flirt with Kaji). Guess which one wins. "Did his orders say anything about waking up a woman sleeping only in her panties?"
"Your left leg is hanging off the bed, Asuka. I can see your pajama bottom."
Drat. "Want to see more?"
"Asuka?"
"Yeeees?"
"I knew how hard it would be to get you out of bed so I brought you a present."
A present? I open my eyes and spot my 'present' in Kaji's right hand. It's not what I'd like to open my eyes to find him holding in his right hand, by the way. It's a spray bottle filled with water. Kaji must have raided my hair and make-up bag.
"Don't. You. Dare."
"Last chance," he warns, jiggling the bottle.
I glare at him down, making it clear what will happen if he actually d-
Kaji sprays me in the face with cold water.
"Ack!" Fucker! "I'm not a disobedient cat, Kaji!" I dart under the covers.
"No, you're a young woman who needs to get up."
"Spray me again and I'll make sure you'll never be able to consummate anything with me!"
"Hmmm. I'll just have to take that risk." And with that he whips off the covers. "Asuk- JESUS!"
The spray bottle clatters to the floor as he springs back, turning his head away.
Heh. "Kaji, dear," I say, sitting up in bed, "just because you see a pajama bottom doesn't necessarily entail a pajama top."
"Joke's on you," he says, still not taking the opportunity to survey the landscape. "You're awake."
"Crap. I am, aren't I?" I frown, then a thought occurs to me. "Oh," I stand up and stretch, "ugggh... well." Something pops in my spine. "Say, could you hand me that sports bra on the desk chair?"
He tosses it back to me without looking. He TOTALLY whiffs on his aim but I still nab it as it sails just inside my reach. I'm in the 99.5 percentile of hand-eye coordination for people under twenty-one. That's ten years of training to perfection for you. "Thanks." Unprompted, Kaji tosses a black t-shirt at me. It's emblazoned with the word 'BERLIN' in big red blocky letters across the chest. When I finish dressing I give him the okay to look.
"Damn it, Asuka," he says, reaching for his pack of smokes. "Stop doing that to me."
"Hey, I just want to sleep the way I like while I can. I'm going to be living with a bunch of perverts soon, you know."
"Katsuragi is hardly a pervert," he grins slyly. I just HATE it when grins like that. He only does that when he talks about HER. He never grins like that for ME.
"Humph," I huff. "Obviously you never lived with her. That woman was a walking disaster!"
I've had a lot of guardians assigned to me by NERV over the years. Only two of them have lasted more than four months: Misato and Kaji. The thirteen months I lived with Misato weren't all that bad; well, aside from any time I had to get into a car she was driving. I also had to do all the goddamn chores around the apartment because she couldn't lift a finger after indulging in her nightly Oktoberfest. Still, she treated me like a woman and not a kid. She also knew how to have fun when she wasn't being a drunken whore. I've been with Kaji for almost a year and a half now. It's been like being with Misato, minus the bad habits, with extra 'benefits'.
Well, theoretically there are extra benefits with Kaji. I'm still working on them.
"Besides," I hop over to one of my many suitcases and dig out the yellow dress I've been saving for this day, my arrival in Japan, "there's always the Third Child to grab my ass. If you ask me, he's got a few bolts loose."
"With his father? Not surprising."
I lay the dress out on my bed for later. "Sounds like a piece of work."
"Let's just say I wasn't too surprised when Shinji bolted," says Kaji, tipping a bit of ash off his cigarette. I frown at him. He knows I don't like it when he doesn't use an ashtray. "Sorry," he mumbles, chastened. "You don't become Supreme Commander of NERV by being a nice guy."
I step into my cabin's private bathroom. It's painfully small but it's a VIP luxury on a ship like this one. I keep the door open. Kaji, sadly, doesn't follow me in to surprise me with another present. I put on a little show as I strip out of my clothes. I think of it as practice for when he doesn't let things like walls get between us. "You ever meet him?"
"No, I never met the man. He's supposed to be very reclusive. Aside from conferences abroad rumor has it that he never leaves NERV HQ. And even then he delegates most of the day-to-day operations to the department heads and the Vice-Commander."
I test the water. It's not hot enough. I turn the knob. "Freaky," I call back. "Think he collects jars of his own urine?"
"My, what a lovely image, Asuka."
I have a lovely image of my own in mind as I step into the shower. It's one where he smiles slyly when he hears my name and not hers.
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The hospital wasn't like anything the girl had ever been in before. It wasn't like the time her papa had broken his arm falling off a ladder and the whole family had to rush to the emergency room where doctors and nurses and bleeding people buzzed all around. This hospital was quiet, like a church, and all the doctors wore clean white lab coats. This place, as the little girl soon learned, was a sigh-kee-at-trick hospital.
Before... before we talk about what happened next I want to remind you of something. The little girl loved her mama and had missed her terribly since "the accident". The little girl didn't know what "the accident" was save that it meant her mama couldn't come home since she was so sick. The little girl had asked to be told what happened to her mama. The little girl's papa wouldn't say. The little girl pleaded, then begged to be told what happened to her mama. It was very pathetic. Yet all her papa would say was that her mama was very sick.
"The little girl must have loved her mama a lot."
Yes.
"What happened next?"
The little girl visited her mama and met her mama's new little girl.
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"An alert?"
"It's a precautionary measure," says Kaji, locking my cabin door. "All three of the Angels that have attacked Tokyo-3 have come from this region, or hereabouts in the Pacific."
We walk.
Kaji, like a good gentleman, gestures for me to go first up the stairs. "I called ahead," he says behind me as he follows me upstairs. "The nerd patrol is prepping Unit-02 for an emergency start-up."
"Why bother? I can do it myself."
"Well," says Kaji conspiratorially, "I had a little idea about how to connect Unit-02 to the fleet's computer network. It's nothing too illegal."
"Like downloading music illegal or downloading child porn illegal?"
"Let's just say we shouldn't get caught."
Soon we're on the deck. The air is whipping all around. The sky is overcast. Smells like its going to rain. There's no helicopter or VTOL waiting. I'll have to talk a boat over. Great. "I get all dressed up and there's no Misato to impress."
"I know the feeling." He loosens his red tie. "I put on my good pants and there's no one to take them off for."
"Really? No one?"
"Er… look! The boat's here. Good luck."
I frown. "You're not coming?"
He gestures to the suitcase chained to his wrist. "Gotta baby-sit this thing; can't take it off the Rainbow or let it leave my peepers."
"Whatever." I hope to the walkway down. "Later, Kaji."
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The little girl visited her mama alone. Her papa was a coward and waited outside.
The little girl's mama was in a bed in a clean white room. The mama's hair had grown long and needed to be washed. The mama's neat red nails, which the little girl had always helped to paint, were bare and they had been trimmed practically to the bone. And, strangest of all, the mama cradled a stuffed doll in her arms like a baby. The doll had red hair, just like the little girl.
Still, despite all the oddities, the little girl was happy. She was with her mother again. The little girl sprang to her mama's bedside and started telling her how much she had missed her.
Then her mama looked up from the doll and broke the little girl's heart. The mama asked the little girl:
'Mama'? Who are you?
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One of the benefits of working for NERV is that everyone asks "How high?" when you order them to jump; the trip to the Othello doesn't take long. I'm not thrilled with all the salt water sprayed onto me on the way over. It feels good on a hot, sunny day but today is anything but. The sky is overcast from horizon to horizon with dark, lumpy clouds. To the west I can see a thin film of grease between the black sea and grey sky; its rain and we're sailing into it. Wonderful.
Anna Somethingsomething, one of the half dozen NERV techs detached to fleet to monitor Unit-02 in transit, greets me as I bound up the walkway to the deck. Nice woman, if a bit stiff. She could stand to lose a few pounds. I feel vaguely guilty that I don't remember her surname, especially when she always calls me by mine. "Soryu," she says, "Unit-02 is prepped for activation. Horatio and Lutz are double-checking everything to be safe, though."
Horatio? He's the guy with nine fingers, right? "Great," I reply. "Do you have it?"
She opens a door for me. "Upstairs, second room on the left. Thought you'd want someplace private to change."
I nod and head up.
Unit-02 doesn't need the techs to prep and activate it. I could do that by myself in an emergency. Kaji, however, whipped the NERV detachment into gear since we're on alert. Precautionary and probably unnecessary but still a good tactic.
When I'm done I hand the backpack containing my yellow sundress, underwear, and red shoes to Lt. Somethingsomething who's waiting outside. "No problems?"
"No," I say as I flex my right hand. The synthetic material of my plug suit stretches with barely a sound. Shy of some billionaire's trophy wife's bling-ridden wedding gown, the Mark 3.5r plug suit is one of the most expensive pieces of clothing in the world. It contains a host of life-support systems, injectable medicines, and assorted sensors that would put an astronaut's space suit to shame, all wrapped in a skin-tight package. They weren't always this nice. I've been helping test out the progressive iterations of the plug suit since the clunky Mark 2.0a. In a sense the plug suit is made for me. Every other pilot has to have theirs tailored to fit. "It feels good."
We head down to the cargo hold.
The five other techs are scattered around the place, fiddling with laptops and other electronic crap. Nine-fingered Horatio, the nearest one, doesn't look up from his laptop as he addresses me. It's annoying but I suppose it's better than being ogled by a fat dude when I'm in my plug suit. "Unit-02 is prepped for activation," he says in that nasally-accented German of his. "Both external battery packs are online. In the event of an enemy engagement you'll have twenty minutes of power in minimum-gain mode and five minutes of power at full gain. Do you understand?"
Idiot! Who does he think that I am? "I know that already! It's my Eva!"
"Just checking," Horatio replies flatly. He closes his laptop. "Now we wait."
The techs just stand there, unsure of what to do. In the tented cargo bay they look like fleas next to the cradled form of my Unit-02. The only sounds are the gentle sloshing of the pink coolant in the bottom of the bay and the groan of the ship as it crests a swell in the seas. No one wants to break the social awkwardness of the seven minute lull.
Well, except me. "Anyone got a deck of cards?"
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Time passed.
The little girl's mama stayed in the hospital with her doll. She didn't get any better.
The little girl still visited her mama, begging and pleading for her mama to remember her. Instead all the mama did was talk to the doll, telling it how 'that strange girl over there' was watching them and how 'that strange girl over there' was jealous of the doll. After a while the little girl just stood in the doorway and watched her mama love her new little girl, the doll.
The little girl's papa, meanwhile, found a new mama for the little girl. But the little girl didn't like the new mama and the new mama didn't like the little girl.
O...one... one day...
"Do you need to stop?"
No.
Anyway, one day the little girl's real mama asked her new daughter, the doll, to… to die with her. The little girl pleaded, begged, and cried to let her be the one to die with mama. You see, the little girl would have done anything for her mama to be her mother again. But the little girl's mama didn't want her to die with her; she wanted to die with the doll.
And then just when the world seemed completely sad and lonely for the little girl something amazing happened that seemed to set everything wrong to right.
The little girl got a doll of her own.
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"I win again! Ha!"
I reach out and scoop up the mix of euros, dollars, and yen bills piled loosely on the floor. The rest of the techs are alternating between embarrassment at getting hustled by someone they see as just another fourteen year old (fools) and anger at losing the last of their petty cash.
Nine-fingered Horatio, however, is unfazed. "She's counting cards."
"Am not." Actually, I am. "And need I point out that those are fightin' words?"
"She has an eidetic memory," he tells the others. "I read it in her file."
Drat.
The others turn as one to look at me. "You flatter me. Really." I shake my head in mock amusement. My allowance from NERV sucks and I really want to treat myself to something nice when I get to Tokyo-3. I need this cash. "Did my classified file mention that I have perfect pitch too? Or that I de-worm refugees in my spare time?"
I've always wanted perfect pitch. It seems like a neat talent to have. Oh well. I have to settle for my good looks, awesome memory, and ability to pilot Eva. The worm-ridden refugees of the world can go take a flying fuck.
Anna Somethingsomething frowns. "Why? She gets paid more than the rest of us put together."
"Not until she comes of age," pipes in one of the others, "then she'll get the big bucks from her trust fund. Until then they keep the kid on starvation wages."
"Kid?!" I exclaim. Why do people keep thinking that? I'm a young woman, damn it!
Our little pow-wow is interrupted when the ship lurches dangerously. The frame of the ship groans. If any of us had been standing I'm sure we'd have been knocked over.
"What was THAT?" asks Lt. Somethingsomething.
"Shockwave in the water," I say. "Something exploded!"
We all spring to our feet and race out of the cargo hold. Up on the starboard railing we search the surrounding waters for the source of the disturbance. Someone shouts "Look! There!" but we've all already spotted it.
Something BIG is surging along at fast speeds just below the surface of the water. Just as I put two and two together the white ripple smack into the broadside of one of the fleet's battleships. The battleship cracks in half, both sides lurch in the water for a second, and then the whole mess explodes in a brilliant red fireball. I reflexively close my eyes and turn away. The heat of the explosion caresses my left cheek even at this great distance. When I look back I see only a plume of black smoke where the ship used to be. The white ripple of the attacker continues on as if they ship hadn't been there.
An Angel! Yes!
"Come on!" I shout at the techs. "Let's kill that bastard!"
They stare dumbly at me.
"The Angel, you idiots!"
"B-b-but," stutters Horatio, "how are you going to fight it? You can't fight underwater in the B-Type equipment!"
Crap. Forgot about that. "Then I'll do it above water."
"How?!"
"Gracefully."
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The little girl ran down the hallway of the hospital, as happy as she had ever been since her mama's "accident". You see, the little girl had been chosen to protect mankind as an elite pilot. People were nice to her again, and not that pity niceness that people had fed to her since her mama's "accident". But that wasn't why the girl was really happy. More than anything the little girl was happy because now she had a reason for her mama to look at her again, to see that she, not the doll, was the special girl that deserved her attention.
The little girl opened the door to her mama's room and the first thing she saw was her mama's dangling feet.
The next thing she saw was the dangling doll.
Afterwards, the little girl's grandmother told her it was okay to cry. The little girl didn't want... didn't NEED to cry.
All the little girl needed was four promises.
First she said, I'll think for myself!
Second she said, I'll live for myself!
Then she said, I won't rely on anyone!
And lastly she declared, I can live on my own!
"Who did the little girl makes these promises to?"
The only person who mattered.
Herself.
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"LCL Füllung. Anfang der Bewegung. Anfang des Nervenanschlusses. Auslöses von Links-kleidung. Synchro-start."
The Entry Plug explodes around me in swirls of colors. They're not real. It's just my conscious mind forcing a semblance of reality onto the machine data pouring into my brain via the A-10 interface. If Kaji were in the plug with me he'd only see a few HUD data holograms and the bare metal walls of the Entry Plug. At least that's what he'd see thirty seconds before the Eva microwaved his brain. There's a reason why they use us special people to pilot after all.
"Asuka," calls the voice of Lieutenant Somethingsomething over the comm, "you should be connected to DefNav. Well, at least until someone figures out Lutz hacked you into the system."
I check my HUD. A wireframe display unfolds over my field of vision. Unit-02 is now tied into the computerized defense network for the fleet. Though I can't physically see it with Unit-02 facedown in the Othello's cargo hold, the 6th Angel is visible through the ship's interior as an anomaly on the DefNav sonar data overlay. "It's online. I'm moving out!"
Anna left the comm open. Over it I can hear her shouting at the others to brace themselves.
Unit-02 stands up. I grab the prog knife adjacent to my Eva. With the external batteries loaded back in Germany as a safety precaution (Misato had a good idea – go figure) my only weapon had to be stored separately. Before I can even shuck off the protective canopy that Unit-02 is wrapped in my comm line explodes in anger as a new voice gets on. The 'AUDIO ONLY' pop-up on my HUD identifies the message as being transmitted from the Over the Rainbow's CIC. The prim and proper attitude calls the speaker out as the Rainbow's finely mustached Captain. "Unit-02, stand down! You're not authorized to launch!"
"The hell I am! I'm the only thing that can damage that Angel's AT-Field!"
"What on Earth are you babbling about?!"
I glance sideways at my clock. Damn. I've already wasted twenty seconds of precious power in minimum gain mode. And I'll need to unfold my AT-Field soon if I want to hurt that damn fish. "I'm running on limited battery power, so shut up and follow MY orders! Start by clearing your flight deck!"
"What?! Why?!"
"Because-"
I switch Unit-02 to high-gain mode and leap high into the air.
"-I'm coming in for a landing!"
Well, not right away. I need to play hopscotch with a quarter of the fleet just to get over to the Rainbow. It's tricky but with all my skill and training I manage not to slip into the Pacific Ocean. I burn off a full minute of battery power on maximum gain mode just to do it. There's no alternative, though. I need to unfold my AT-Field every time I land and launch off one of the frigates or battleships. Otherwise they'll shatter under the force of Unit-02's leaps and I'll slip into the drink. I'm sure the crew of the ships appreciate that this also lets me not kill them in the process.
At last the Rainbow is in sight. I leap one last time.
"UNIT TWO INBOUND!" I holler into the comm line to the Rainbow.
I land. My AT-Field soaks up most of the kinetic energy but the whole aircraft carrier still rocks dangerously under my feet.
"The target is approaching rapidly!" the captain shouts at me.
I -carefully- turn Unit-02 around to face the southeast. I don't need the DefNav on my HUD to tell me where the Angel is now. The bulge of churning white water surging towards the Rainbow is warning enough.
I whip out my prog knife and engage it. The ommmminous hummmmm of it is a pleasant thrill.
The Angel leaps out of the water at me.
It's big. REALLY big. "HOLY SH-"
We collide.
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And the girl lived happily ever after. The End.
"..."
Did you like my story? I think it beats yours.
"Yes, it does," says the woman, "but it was very sad."
Don't feel bad. The story was a lie.
"Oh?"
Yes. Actually, the little girl was never happy again.
"Oh." A pause. "Well, what eventually happened to her?"
I think that's obvious.
"I'd like to hear you say it."
She was murdered. Want to ask me by whom?
"No. That's alright. That's not why we're talk-"
Come on, I'd like to hear you ask it.
"No!"
Pathetic.
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Kaji once took me on a fishing trip. There were bugs and it was hot and though we spent a few hours alone together on a small boat in the middle of a very isolated lake away from prying eyes he that insisted we keep our backs to each other. The only good part was the beer. Kaji let me have a can from his private stash. Otherwise I hated fishing. The worst was when Kaji caught a big fish. When we got back to the campsite he showed me how to gut and clean it with a pocketknife. The image of the fish's flesh being sliced open and pulled apart has stayed with me ever since. The memory of it makes me gag whenever I try to eat seafood. I swore I'd never do that to a fish, not even those fuggly Monkfish you see on sale at the market.
But right now? Gutting a fish is the best motherfucking feeling in the world.
"AAAAAAGGGGH!" My prog knife glides through the lower left lip of the Angel, splitting its pale flesh and knotty muscle as I toss the beast over the side of the Rainbow's deck. For all its size, the Angel is surprisingly lightweight. It's more cumbersome than anything. I almost lose my footing as a deck elevator or something gives way underneath my Eva. I recover just in time to avoid joining the bleeding Angel as it sinks back into the sea.
There's blue blood splashed everywhere: on Unit-02, on the flight deck, foaming on the sea below. I swear I can feel its warmth on my skin. That's just residual sensations being fed to me from the Eva. I can feel the ocean breeze and the first drizzles of rain from the storm clouds overhead even though I'm sealed tight in my Entry Plug. That's the magic of a high synchronization rate.
The DefNav overlay shows the Angel racing out away from the Rainbow. For a second I'm afraid it figured out I only have three and a half minutes of power left. When it comes about I realize it's only building up speed for another run.
I glance at the DefNav data overlay on my vision, then I trigger the comm to the Rainbow's bridge. "Captain, have the Illinoisand the Kentucky target me with their main guns and fire on my command!"
"What?!"
"I need their help to destroy the Angel!"
"BUT YOU'LL DESTROY US TOO!"
The 6th Angel is homing in on me. I know it's going to jump at me again. Why? 'Cuz it doesn't want to sink the Rainbow. It wants to eat me. Stupid Angel. Only Kaji has permission to do that! "The shells will hit the Angel!"
It pounces out of the water.
"TRUST ME!" I scream, dropping Unit-02 flat on the deck and thrusting my prog knife up in the air. The arc of the Angel's jump clears the aircraft carrier with no Unit-02 to chomp on. Its whole underbelly streams out gore as my prog knife slices down three-quarters of its length. Near the end my knife catches on something, bone maybe, and it shatters.
I'm soaked in hot, blue Angel blood. It feels glorious.
I bring Unit-02 up on one knee and whip out the second extension of my prog knife. The broken, blood-stained part is replaced by fresh metal.
The Angel is wobbling in its path but its still moving out like before, picking up distance for another run.
"Captain! Where are my GODDAMN battleships?!"
When his prissy voice comes on the radio comm he's a bit more compliant. "They're ready! And I'm only doing this because you're the only thing that's hurt this monster so far!"
"Now you're catching on!"
"My crew's lives are in your hands," he says with more gravity. His grim tone sucks some of the greatness of this fight out of me. "Don't let their families down."
The DefNav shows my two battleships coming 'round towards the Over the Rainbow. The indicators over them flash red, telling my that their weapon systems are primed.
The Angel has circled around. It's coming back at me, leaving a slick of dark blue on the choppy grey ocean's surface as it moves.
I glance at my power meter. I've got less than forty-five seconds left now.
"Captain, get ready for my signal!"
I brace Unit-02 for the impact.
It leaps from the water. This time its arc is shorter. It won't fall for the same trick twice. That's okay, though. I have a new trick.
I grab hold of the Angel's butchered face with one hand, grasping onto an exposed tooth in its mouth, and sink my prog knife into its 'forehead' or 'nose' or whatever you wanna call it. Doesn't matter. I'm not aiming to hurt it this time. I want to hold it in place.
"FIRE NOW!"
A second later the flesh mass blanketing me shudders as the incoming shells of the Illinoisand Kentucky pierce the Angel's weak body. Without the protection of its AT-Field (neutralized by yours truly) the Angel only has its soft skin and light body for protection. It doesn't do much good. I pull my knife out as the Angel writhes in pain. I have a bit of luck in that the shattered tooth I blindly grabbed is on the mandible. That means two things for me. One, I stay in place as its jaws opens in an agonized roar. Two, I can spot the red orb at the back of its mouth.
The Core!
I fling my prog knife at the red Core on reflex. Years of training and near-perfect hand-eye coordination pay off as the blade sinks into the Core. The sharp crack of the Core shattering pierces the agony of its scream.
The Angel goes limp.
"HA! GOT YOU, YOU BASTARD!"
"Bully!" cheers the Captain over the comm.
But since I have my face rammed into its maw I see something the crew aboard the Rainbow doesn't: the Angel's broken Core isn't going dark, it's glowing brighter.
There's no time for horror or surprise. There's only a pulse of pure white light that washes over everything, then a sensation of burning heat, and then nothing at all.
My world goes dark.
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"There you are. I've been looking all over for you."
I said I don't want to talk to you!
"If you don't talk to me, who will you talk to?"
Nobody. I'd rather be by myself.
"That didn't work out so well for the little girl in your story."
You're wrong.
"I don't think I am."
The little girl in the story chose to be alone because she wanted to save herself from being hurt like she was when she lost her mama. The little girl talked to people, not with people, because she didn't think she needed others to live.
"But how is what the little girl did any different than what you're doing now?
The little girl didn't talk with people out of misguided principal. I've chosen not to talk with you because I don't like you.
"Why don't you like me?"
What are you, stupid? It's because this is all your fault! You and your bastard son and that bitch Ayanami!!
"There's no need to get angry."
FUCK YOU!! It's because of you and her that I'm alone in the dark with only you and your rusty doll for company!
"I would have thought you'd have gotten over this by now."
Another ten billion years could pass and I'd still never forgive you!
"I don't think it's been only ten billion years. If it had been there'd still be stars. Besides, what does it matter what happened back then? I can barely remember their faces anymore. Despite my best effort the human race will soon be forgotten." She sighs. "It's just us and the cold dark of forever. I'd rather not pass eternity in angry silence."
Really? Hah! Maybe not talking to you will be revenge enough for the whole human race. I'll never forget! I'll never forgive! Auf wiedersehen, bitch.
"Asuka, don't be a drama queen."
...
"…Asuka?"
...
"ASUKA?!"
...
"ASUKA, PLEASE COME BACK!!"
...
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"A--ka?"
I groan.
"Asuka?"
My body feels heavy. I shouldn't have slept in, Kaji. I… wait….
"Unit-02, do you copy?"
I open my eyes. I'm in Unit-02's Entry Plug. It's dark. The power's out.
Training overrides my body's desire to sleep. I flip a toggle on my butterfly handlebars and activate the radio comm. It's a secondary system that runs off its own meager, independent battery power. "This is Unit-02. I copy you, Othello."
"Oh thank God!" whispers Anna. "Asuka, we thought you might have died too!"
I frown at her using my first name, like I'm still come kind of kid, then something clicks in my brain. "Wait, 'died too'? Who died?"
Silence.
"Hey! I'm asking you a question!"
When Lt. Somethingsomething speaks again it's in a hushed tone. This isn't like her whisper of thanks at my survival. "Asuka… the Angel it… blew up."
Blew up? What does that mean about people dy-
And then it hits me. My memories and Anna's vague hints add up in a grim calculus.
The Angel blew up in my face…
Just like it did with the Third Child with the Third Angel…
That was a huge explosion…
And I was… I was on the deck of…
"Asuka," says Horatio, taking over from Anna, "the Over the Rainbow is gone."
"Gone?" I repeat. "I'm fine. There ha-have to be survivors. There has to be people who m-"
"It's gone, Asuka," he tells me, speaking in a tone with more empathy and emotion than he's ever used with me. "It's just totally gone."
"I… no. It can't be! I beat it! I shouldn't have! It-"
And then I freeze as I remember a suitcase chained to a wrist.
Kaji.
KAJI STAYED ONBOARD!
KAJI'S DEAD!
I KILLED KAJI!
"Jesus, Kaji," I croak, reeling in shock. "I feel sick."
And then I am sick.
When I've cleared my stomach I slump over in the plug, not caring that the streams of bile floating in the LCL are drifting over towards me in the wake of my movement. I don't hear Anna's voice as I weep, crying for the first time in years. It takes several minutes for the voices of the tech crew to reach me.
"W-w-what?" I say, not quite believing what I just heard.
"Mister Kaji's alive," says Horatio. "He flew off the Rainbow on a Russian Yak-38 Custom right after the Angel was first sighted."
Kaji's alive. "Oh thank God! Oh God. Oh God."
But all those other men and women still died. Over five thousand people dead because you screwed up, Asuka Langley Soryu.
"Shut up," I whisper too softly to be heard on the radio. "Just shut up."
Horatio adds, "Listen, the Eva landed on the Caliban. She's an Admiral Kuznetsov-class Aircraft Carrier. We're going to do our best to get the Entry Plug out but you landed… you landed badly and there's a lot of… of debris. Please be patient. The Damage Control teams are working on it, okay?"
"Right," I whisper dully.
"And Asuka? You… you'll want to keep your eyes closed when you get out of the Plug. There's a lot of debris."
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Hey, are you still there?
"...gg.e..gese...me...la..."
YO! WAKE UP!
"Hmm? Oh. It's you."
Who else would it be?
"Why are you here?"
Just wanted to see what you've been up to these past eons.
"Aside from sleeping? I've been looking for a proton."
Any luck?
"No. I'm pretty sure they've all decayed."
Man, the place is really falling apart.
"Entropy – it's the nature of things." A pause. "Look, if you've come by to torture me again, just k-"
No. I'm here because I have an idea on how to fix it.
"Fix 'what'?"
Everything.
"..."
Want to hear it?
"This should be amusing."
Look, do you want to hear it or not?
"I'm listening, aren't I?"
Okay, it goes like this...
.
Later, the woman nods. Well, 'nods' in a metaphorical sense. She didn't have a body anymore. Not exactly. She did have one up on her companion in that regards, though. "Fascinating. It's a novel application of the AT-Field; though your choice of candidate puzzles me."
Well, he's not my first choice but he's the only one who'll work.
"It's still a toss of the dice either way."
You don't think it will work?
"Honestly? No. It probably won't."
But you'll still try it?
"Sure."
Why?
"Frankly? I'm bored. I think if I go to sleep again I'll never wake up."
Well, that's sort of the point.
"True."
So...?
"If this fails you'll be alone."
That's okay. I always was.
"…"
So…?
She shrugs. "It's your funeral."
It wouldn't be my first. Now what say we cut the crap and rip reality a new asshole?
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PART III: Gendo Ikari and Asuka Langley Soryu
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Fuyutsuki has joined the Captain and me in my office for the briefing on the current crisis. None of us are pleased with the results of the day's battle, save for the fact that the Angel was defeated and the Eva undamaged.
I assume what Kozo calls my "spooky pose". The Captain is already on edge about her pilot. What I'm about to tell her won't help matters. I need to play up the impression of me being an all-knowing puppet master to reassure Captain Katsuragi. I do trust her to keep secrets. I wouldn't have picked her for my endgame if I didn't think so. I just don't entirely trust her to keep this particular secret from someone she'll be spending most of her time with for the next year; especially if I can't fix the problem.
"This woman," says Fuyutsuki, "the Lieutenant Kra... Kratzo... how to do you pronounce it?"
"Kratochvil, sir." Misato Katsuragi is standing ramrod straight. You can't tell that she's hung-over from playing flippy cup with her penguin last night. Maybe we should trade notes on that, her and I. I'm getting a lot of practice covering for myself. "Lt. Anna Kratochvil."
"Yes. What does she have to say on the Second Child's mental state?"
"Asuka hasn't come out of her quarters on the Othello since she was brought aboard. She refuses to speak with anyone. With your permission I'd like to personally retrieve the Second Child when her ship docks later today."
"Granted," I say. "There is another problem with the Second Child, however."
Katsuragi keeps a straight face. "Sir?"
I lay it out plainly. "The relations of several prominent American military and political officials served on the Rainbow; it was a prestigious posting. Officially, NERV never took command of the emergency. The Second Child launched Unit-02 on her own, without the permission of the senior ranking officer aboard the Rainbow."
Captain Katsuragi grows livid as she realizes the implications. "That's ridiculous! Our authority overrides theirs in an emergency!"
"No. Protocol dictates that a NERV officer needed to be onsite to officially inform the ranking military officer in command that our agency is taking control during an Angel attack. Mister Kaji was the only NERV officer in a position to do so. However he left during the start of the attack by VTOL to ensure the safety of an important and classified package." I adjust my glasses. "We know from certain sources that the US is demanding legal action be taken against the Second Child, possibly resulting in her extradition." Not to mention the pound of flesh the Russians are undoubtedly going to demand for the losses on the Caliban.
"They have no right to do so!"
"She's technically one of their citizens, Captain."
"The Germans will never allow it!"
"Captain," I say, steeling my voice to make it clear I want her to calm down, "I have no intention of letting the US or any other country harm our pilots, either now or following the conclusion of the Angel War. The matter will be dealt with. Your only concern is to keep the Second Child in fighting shape and away from any insinuation that she will be held to account for the lives and ships lost today. She need never know about this legal squabble. Rest assured, I will handle the backroom negotiations."
This seems to mollify her. "I understand, sir."
"You're dismissed."
She leaves.
Fuyutsuki grumbles, "So much for showing global unity with the UNCMF Pacific Fleet escort. They want to 'protect' the Evangelion from an Angel attack and then they get angry when it happens and the logical happens."
"The Committee won't allow the American government to lay claim to the Second."
"Well, not now," huffs Fuyutsuki. "But they can make any long-term promises they want."
IOUs are easy to write when your creditors don't realize they'll be pools of tang in a year. It's the major reason SEELE was able and will be able to afford the construction of the Mass Production Series. One Eva is almost mind bogglingly expressive. Nine built at once? The world will be lucky to avoid an economic depression after this whole mess is over. "I'll deal with it in Berlin."
"Will you now?"
There it is again, that Professor's tone. "Something troubling you, Kozo?"
The elderly man is holding his hands behind his back. His straight posture hints at awkwardness. He's not looking at me, either. He's staring out the window and into the garden of the Geo-Front. "I'm worried about you, Gendo."
"Spare me your mock sympathies."
Fuyutsuki continues, "You need to pull yourself together. You're drinking too much."
I'm suddenly aware of the sidearm tucked into my shoulder holster. A spike of guilt shots through me a moment later. "Oh?" The elderly man turns and stares hard at me. Damn. I hate that look. The Professor is in the house. "So you've come to bail me out, just like old times?"
He glances at me with narrowed eyes, then dismisses me with a turn of the head. "You were drunk and got into a fight," he chides me evenly, laying out the facts of the matter as if they were simple equations on a chalkboard. His appraisal of the facts is not so unbiased. "That's pathetic."
"They started it for no reason. I'm not used to being liked. I am, however, used to being hated."
"It's none of my concern," he bristles.
"Dr. Fuyutsuki, you're exactly the sort of person I was expecting."
"Each man is his own worst enemy," he recites, pulling me back to the present with an unpleasant reminder of the past. "Within his heart he has the power to harness passions that can make and unmake."
Okay, now I want to shoot him. "I wasn't aware that Yui had shown you my love poems."
Fuyutsuki smirks. It doesn't suit him. "She didn't. Occasionally I'd rummage through her computer when she went out to lunch, looking for evidence that you were mistreating her."
"Ah. So I was right to hate you back at the university. That's oddly comforting."
"The worst I did was to sneak into her email account. You exterminated the human race trying to win her back."
I lean back in my desk chair. "Why is it," I say, pausing to settle into the reassuring leather, "that you so conveniently overlook the fact you helped me do it? Your hands are as bloody as anyone's around here, Fuyutsuki. Is it because you still think of yourself as a moral man, as a hero? That must be easy to imagine when you stand so close to me. Why, in comparison you must feel like a saint." The words come out far more bitter than I'd like them to. "You would do well to remember that, to the rest of the world in the know, you're just a Gendo Ikari to my Keel Lorenz."
Kozo chuckles. "I suppose I am."
"There's no need to suppose."
Fuyutsuki's smile wanes. "But don't think that means I can't call you on your drinking, Ikari. People are starting to notice."
That news is (pardon the pun) sobering. "Who? When?"
"Your Section-2 detail for one."
"Damn it! I left Kim in place too long." If Keel hears from his man on the inside then I'll be in serious trouble. If SEELE thinks I'm weak they'll have cause to remove me. "Have our wiretaps on him sh-"
"Don't worry. He hasn't talked. Nor will he. I had him liquidated this morning."
"Good work."
Fuyutsuki draws up his chair. "There's something wrong with you, Gendo. You've been drinking more and more since your re-take. You've been making stupid mistakes, like trying to set up Rei and Shinji romantically."
That had been a particularly bad idea. "I've managed," I say, unable to deny that something is actually wrong. For a man like Fuyutsuki to confront me means that he's either feeling foolishly self-confident or he's sure that I'm making a genuine mistake. Fuyutsuki's only confronted me like this twice. The first was years ago when I sent Shinji away. The second was the night Naoko Akagi died. He was wrong in both cases. But now?
I admit I'm not sure.
"You live in the past, Ikari. I do too. All men do once they get old. "
"So you mean to say that we're like Keel? Clinging to a life that belongs to the next generation instead of those with a foot in the grave?"
"No," he backtracks. "We're not insane. We don't have a death wish for the whole human race."
"Not anymore."
He shakes his head. "Our Instrumentality would have at least preserved the individual souls of humanity. SEELE's plan would have been the ultimate act of butchery in history."
"That's accurate," I say, "however, it's also like saying 'On the Beach' had an uplifting ending for a movie about nuclear war." I reach for my desk's phone and dial. "My mental state is none of your concern," I declare. "Besides, I have the matter under my control."
Fuyutsuki stares at me. "Gendo, I don't want to see you lo-"
The line picks up. "Is he there? Good. Send him in." I replace the phone in its cradle. "Mister Kaji is coming up."
The Vice-Commander stands up without another word and walks out. At least this time I didn't need to use a gun.
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I ignore the looks of everyone on the Othello when I disembark. I don't need them. I don't care what they think. I certainly don't need their fucking pity. I won, didn't I? That's what matters.
I hope to see Kaji when I step onto the dock. He disappoints me again. There is someone there but it's only Misato. Yet my heart wrenches when I see her. Do I actually feel glad to see her? If so, fuck me.
"Hello, Asuka."
"..."
She's watching me carefully, as if she expects me to freak out and stab her or something. "Are you okay?"
"Yes," I say harshly. It's the first time I've used my voice in hours. "Fine."
Except when you were sobbing in a dark room like a little girl. How pathetic.
SHUT UP!!
"Right," she says. "It'll take a while for Unit-02 to be unloaded and prepped for rail transport. We should go. My car's over there. Come on."
And just like that we leave the port. The ride to Tokyo-3 is silent. I don't even bother turning the radio on for white noise. It'd all just be sugary J-Pop anyway.
"Kaji's at headquarters," Misato suddenly tells me, glancing at me out of the corner of her eye. "I passed him on the way out of a meeting with the Commander. He would have come with but he had to report in."
I nod.
"Asuka, about what happened on today, y-"
"I don't want to talk about it. Ever." I unclench my hands. They had curled into fists. There's a little bit of blood on my palms from where the nails dug into the skin. "I did what I had to do."
"Okay."
We say nothing more to each other for the rest of the trip.
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Mister Kaji isn't actually in a good mood when he steps into my office but he wears his mask well. Very well. If not for my past experience with him he'd even fool me. I suppose his thoughts are with his ward.
"How was your trip, Mister Kaji?"
"Eventful," he casually replies, looking me in the eye. "I suppose it had something to do with this?" He hoists the armored suitcase onto my desk.
Such a good liar. It's a shame he doesn't actually work for me. The JDA found itself a real gem. "The Second Child performed well."
"Yes." There isn't even a flicker of dissent in his eyes. "Though I suppose she may disagree with you. Asuka is something of a perfectionist."
She's an emotionally stunted, mentally unstable child who'll more than likely be dead in eight months. If she's lucky. And she's also the best pilot we'll ever have.
God, I need a drink.
He unlocks the case and opens it. I put on a mask for him to hide my disgust. Frankly I've seen enough of ADAM for two hundred lifetimes. The thing hurt like a bitch when Akagi sewed in on last time. I can recall in detail what it felt like as its tendrils grew into my flesh and up my arm during the weeks prior to Third Impact, how its ash-colored flesh pulsed as it skimmed by bloodstream for nutrients. It's one experience I don't plan on repeating this time around. Not unless it's necessary.
I look over at Mister Kaji and for a moment I contemplate making a pass at him. Play a bit of grab-ass, if only just to screw with his mind. He, or at least his counterpart in the first timeline, certainly deserves it.
The man – though amusing with his petty machinations – caused me no end of grief the last time around. Cutting the city's power stands out. The JSSDF wouldn't have been half as effective in their assault on us if not for the organizational analysis that Mister Kaji's little stunt gave them. Not to mention kidnapping Fuyutsuki and then being stupid enough to kidnap him back from SEELE during a live interrogation. It's a wonder Keel Lorenz was so kind and only shot him. SEELE usually isn't so... clean... to betrayers of the inner circle.
Word to the wise: don't fuck with German ideologues. It rarely ends well.
The spy interrupts my ruminations with a bit of his own musing, "So this is the key to the Human Instrumental Project, Second Impact, and everything that came after."
I let the question hang in the air for a moment. Mister Kaji never betrays himself the whole while. At last I say, "Yes. This is first human being."
I look down at the God-embryo encased in dura-bakelite.
Now all I need are the Dummy Plugs, the Lance and a bit of luck.
"This is ADAM."
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"Asuka Langley Soryu, reporting for duty, sir!" She bows respectfully. It's not a bad try for a gaijin. Not enough self-loathing in the supplication, though. Well, she'll have plenty of that to spare come Arael.
"I've reviewed the battle footage. You did good work, Pilot Soryu."
She manages a professional calm. It's a fake. Not bad for a teenager but nothing can hide the guilt you feel when you first realize you're responsible for the death of another human being, let alone thousands of them.
"Thank you, Commander." She holds herself well, betraying only a hint of the self-consciousness of a teenage girl. She's hungry, though. Too bad she doesn't realize she'll never be full. "I'm glad I finally had a chance to do my duty."
Still... there's something in those eyes.
If I was forty or so years younger and she wasn't a mental patient...
Bah. Don't be a pervert, Ikari. Akagi is enough crazy for you.
I lean forward in my chair to rest my elbows on my desk. I lace my gloved fingers together and assume the position. "A solo engagement against an Angel is no small accomp