The clock chimed at me, a long and high-pitched sound, indicating my time was up. All color and light faded from the entry plug as the system shut down, leaving me alone in the dark. I guessed that it would take less than a few minutes for the LCL to freeze, killing me long before it solidified.
I closed my eyes and waited quietly though I had to admit I was pretty impatient for this to be done and over with.
Something warm and soft touched my face, caressing my cheek softly and lovingly. That gentle stroke washed away every ounce of pain from my body and restored my lost strength, and I curiously peeked as to what could do such a thing.
Instead of being greeted by absolute darkness, I found myself resting beneath an ancient and lonely tree in the center of an ocean of lush, green grass. My head was resting peacefully in the lap of a dark-haired woman whose face was barred by the cover of some book held in one hand while the other continued to run its fingers across my face soothingly.
“Wha, what happened? Where am I?” I asked groggily. I felt as if I had just awoken from a long and restful sleep, even though my mind told me I had only closed my eyes just seconds before.
“Hmm, good morning, sleepy-head,” the woman spoke quietly, though the book still blocked my view of her visage.
I felt so safe that I didn’t even bother trying to move. I simply turned my eyes back to the clear blue skies that somehow seemed misplaced, given my previous situation.
After a few moments of introspection—along with a set of lithe fingers running through my tousled hair—I came to the conclusion that I had already died, and this must be the after-life. It had to be heaven—there was no way any other place in the universe could feel so…serene.
“Did you sleep well?” the woman asked as she removed her hand from my head and turned the page before continuing her ministrations.
“I…yeah, I guess so,” I admitted. After a rather long interlude of silence, I decided I’d start asking questions.
“Am I dead?”
“Do you want to be?”
Her tone was conversational, as if the question I had asked were an ubiquitous one. While I should have felt reassured by it, for some reason it sent a chill down my spine.
“I…I don’t know. The last thing I remember, I was gonna die,” I spoke slowly.
She laughed a silvery laugh and closed her book, setting it on the ground next to her. Her hair was short and dark—like my own, and her eyes were a rich brown. The most startling thing about her was how familiar she seemed to be. Mentally I altered the coloring of her features slightly, giving her blue hair and red eyes.
There was no mistaking it. This woman was the spitting image of Rei Ayanami, albeit older and a bit more naturally colored.
I jerked up into an upright position and turned myself to where I was facing her, trying to get a better look. While it was true she and Rei could have passed as doubles for one another, there was something else familiar about this woman that went beyond her physical attributes.
“Who are you?” I demanded.
The woman adjusted her seating position, tucking her legs beneath her and establishing a more-or-less kneeling arrangement. Her hands folded together and rested in her lap, and her brown eyes never left mine.
“Why, I’m surprised at you, Shinji!” she spoke in a faintly mocking tone, as if teasing me. “How could you not know who I am?”
I peered at her through my narrowed dark blue eyes, scowling in concentration. It wasn’t until she reached out and cupped her hand on the side of my face that I understood.
“M-mother!?” I gasped.
Tears welled up in her eyes and she smiled tenderly while nodding.
Quite thoroughly shocked, I gave no resistance as she pulled me to her and held me in a lovingly embrace, stroking the back of my head while cooing words of comfort.
I think it was then tears began to roll down my face. I didn’t sob or sniffle or anything of the sort. I simply cried while she held me. My voice, however, was still broken when next I spoke.
“Wha…what…h-happened to you? Why did you leave?” I asked, pulling away so I could look at her face again.
Yui Ikari bit her lip, tears still flowing down her face. It was as if she were reluctant to answer my question. I could see her regret written across her features. “I…I was taken into the test type during its primary activation. We only had a vague idea as to what would happen, so we weren’t really prepared for what happened…”
Well, that simply confirmed my suspicions as to why I had always felt safe within the entry plug of Unit-01—she was there to protect me. It also explained what the Evangelion meant by saying it had “taken” my mother from me.
There was so much I wanted to know, but I didn’t want to hurt her trying to find out. I could tell she was already in enough pain as it was. I waited for her to completely stop crying before continuing.
“Mother?”
She wiped her eyes and attempted to compose herself. “Yes, dear?”
“Am I dead?”
Again she smiled a small smile. “Not unless you wish to be. Unit-01 might be dead and powerless as its S2 organ ceased to function as soon as you destroyed Adam and Lillith. Seeing as you destroyed all of the angels with the exception of the eighteenth the core no longer sensed a purpose and thus deactivated.”
That one went a little over my head, but I nodded anyway. “There’s another Angel?” I inquired.
“Yes,” she replied. “The eighteenth.”
“But if there’s another Angel then we still need Eva to fight it,” I protested.
“The only thing that angel needs to be protected against is itself—seeing as it is we Lillim.” Her tone was almost rueful at the revelation.
I paused, deciphering what she said. Unit-01 had referred to me as a Lillim, and I hadn’t really understood the term then, but now I think I got it.
“…So humanity is the final angel?”
Another affirmative dip of her head. “Yes. Humans were the last beings created by God, and thus the last of the Angels.”
I let it sink in for a moment. I guess it made sense, in a twisted and almost ironic sort of way. And if that were the case, then what she said about the human race only needing protection from itself was definitely true.
“Well, now that Third Impact has been stopped and all the other ‘angels’ are dead, what happens next?”
She laughed, all traces of her tears long gone. “Whatever each of you decides. If you choose to destroy yourselves or to live in peace, then so it is. It’s entirely up to each and every one of you.”
Made sense, I guess. “So…what about you and me?”
Now she did look sad. “That, my dear, is up to you.”
“Huh?”
Mother stood and looked out at the sky silently. I followed her gaze to some unseen point in the boundless blue sky. It was a long time before either of us spoke again.
“Do you wish to stay here, or do you wish to go back?”
Well, that was a simple and frank enough question, I suppose. I thought my answer would be obvious, but then I thought my options through a bit more thoroughly.
If I went back, I could be with Asuka and the others again. I could live out my life with those I loved. Of course, on the same hand, they could all abandon me as was almost customary for people I trusted and I could end up alone in the end—as I was after the power went out in Eva. This is not to mention all the pain that would inevitably follow, even if no one left me. Plus there would eventually be war again, and always hatred…
Yet here I could be calm and at peace with mother. There would never be anything to harm me—only tranquility and unrestricted love. I’d never have to do anything I didn’t want to, I’d probably never go hungry, have some sort of accident, or be deserted.
I pulled myself to my feet and looked around. It was perfect for someone like myself. I could remain here for eternity without a single worry. I took a deep breath, filling my lungs with the fresh air and sighed.
“I…” I squinted at the sky, trying to focus my mind.
Which would be better? Sure, there was likely pain back in the real world, but there was also pleasure—and limitless possibilities.
Here things would always be the same—cozy and relaxing. It would never change. Not that I liked diversity all that much, but…
Unbidden, the image of Asuka’s smiling face etched itself into existence. For a moment, it was all I could see.
“…how do I get back?” I had to see her again. There was absolutely no way around it. The idea of consistency and serenity definitely appealed to me—so much, in fact, that I seriously considered staying.
But even an eternity of that sort of happiness couldn’t even come close to seeing the young German woman’s face for five seconds. If nothing but agony awaited me, so be it. Seeing her again would be worth eternal damnation, in all honesty. Even just to have her scowl like she used to, and hit and mock me. I felt my soul yearn for her presence.
Mother watched my face, a serious expression exhibited on her lovely features. “You love her,” she stated matter-of-factly.
I felt a lump forming in my throat. “Yeah,” was all I could muster for a reply.
She nodded her approval. “She’s a good girl, Shinji, but she definitely needs someone like you around. I’m pretty sure she’s heart-broken at the moment.”
At that comment I chuckled. “More like she’s cursing me and planning some sadistic form of punishment for when I return.”
When she actually rubbed her chin in consideration, I laughed.
She beamed at me, her eyes dancing. “Well, I won’t keep you from her any longer then, my son. Know that I love you, and you have my blessings.”
Again I started to choke up, and when she embraced me I nearly changed my mind. But I couldn’t help but think of the fiery-tempered redhead that I loved so dearly, and how I longed to see her sapphire blue eyes sparkle mischievously.
“I love you too, mom.”
Yui Ikari pulled back and feathered my bangs from my face, smiling gently. With one last caress against my cheek she whispered the magic words…
“Wake up, Shinji…”
When I woke up this time, it wasn’t so pleasantly. I felt like I had been sleeping on a bed of sharp rocks, and my head refused to stop throbbing.
To say the least, I felt like shit.
I opened my eyes to narrow slits, and was immediately blinded by fluorescent lights. Instinctively I threw my right forearm across my eyes to shield them from the intense illumination, and I groaned weakly.
“Pilot Ikari, you are awake,” a quiet and familiar voice spoke to my left.
My only response to Rei Ayanami’s obvious statement was an affirmative grunt. I opened the eye closest to her and noticed she was sitting and had been reading some sort of book—which rested in her lap.
“Do you require anything at the moment?” she asked, her red eyes locking onto my dark blue one and her expression actually one of slight concern.
Slowly I closed my eye and sighed. She looked so much like mother with that face it pained my heart a bit. But this was not my mother. This was my friend. Rei was Rei, and mother was mother. That fact was definitely evident.
“If you do not have any requests, I believe it would be in your best interests if I were to inform the Second Child and the Major of your regaining consciousness.”
I sat bolt upright at the mention of Asuka. I examined my surroundings and a million questions formed all at once.
“What happened? Is everyone all right? How did I survive? What about the invaders? Where am I? Where’s Asuka?” The questions streamed from my mouth as if I were some sort of auctioneer.
I repeated the last question after only a second’s pause. “Where’s Asuka?”
Rei stood, preparing to leave. “Pilot Sohryu left precisely six hours, fourteen minutes, and thirty-one seconds ago. I believe she said she was returning to your shared quarters to bathe, eat, and perhaps rest in a proper sleeping facility.”
“Oh…” Another question came out before I realized it had even been a thought. “How long have I been out?”
The small blue-haired girl tilted her head, staring blankly at me for a moment. Her eyes were slightly cloudy during that time, and when they refocused on me, she had an answer. “Fifty-six days, one hour, twelve minutes, and twenty-two seconds elapsed from your return until you awoke just one minute and eighteen seconds ago.”
My jaw dropped into my lap. How the hell did she do that? Not that it really mattered, but it sure must come in handy at times.
“If you have no further inquiries, I shall call the Major and request that she inform the second child,” the young woman said, and left the room.
I slumped back into my bed, exhaling heavily. My eyes wandered to the ceiling, more or less out of habit and I chuckled. This particular hospital room was definitely familiar to me by now, though I hadn’t been here in quite some time.
White walls, white floor, white ceiling, white light, white sheet…ugh… Between all this and my recent—well, maybe not—battle with the last eight production Evas I was pretty sick of the color—or lack thereof. I continued to scan about for something that would break the monotony.
The book Ayanami had been reading caught my attention, but before I could inspect it the oddly colored girl entered the room.
“The Major is on her way with the Second Child. I suspect they should be arriving within fifteen minutes or less,” she reported.
“Great,” I said with a smile, shifting restlessly in my bed. “So, err…how has everything been? I mean, what all happened after I…left…” The words seemed almost wrong, but the idea obviously got across.
The young woman took her seat next to me, placing her book in her lap as she did so. “When you departed you were gone for precisely three days-“
I shot her a withering glare before she could get into hours, seconds, and minutes. “You’re allowed to be general here, Rei. I’m not my father, so you don’t have to give me specifics.”
“…Yes, I…see.” A moderate look of confusion washed across her face before she continued. “You were considered K-I-A when you didn’t return for approximately three days. Both the Major and the Second Child were rather distressed by your absence—especially Pilot Sohryu. However, on the third day your Unit simply appeared in its holding cage.”
“That’s a little weird, but I guess stranger things have happened…” I mused thoughtfully.
The blue-haired Eva pilot nodded her agreement. “Indeed. The Unit was dormant in every aspect, so the technicians had to resort to removing the entry plug manually. You were found in a comatose state and immediately rushed to your current position for treatment. Since then, the Major or myself have been present.”
I seemed a little downtrodden. “Asuka never came?”
At that she shook her head. “No, the Second Child has all but resided in this room with you, only leaving when either Major Katsuragi or myself urge her to go home and rest. Even then she is…difficult…to persuade.”
That made me feel a little relieved. I guess I should have put a bit more faith in Asuka, but at the same time her not showing would have been equally likely, if not moreso. “Thanks, Ayanami.”
She graced me with a small, pleasant smile. “You are very welcome, Pilot Ikari.”
“Shinji,” I corrected.
The woman considered it a moment before nodding. “Shinji, then. I suppose the title ‘Pilot’ no longer suits any of us. The Evangelions are being placed in cold storage along with some of the older nuclear warheads from the twentieth century. Our services will no longer be required for military purposes.”
Another wave of reprieve settled through my body. No more fighting, no more NERV, no more Angels…just simple, slightly-out-of-the-ordinary lives for all of us. I sighed happily.
“You are…pleased…by this news?”
I closed my eyes blissfully. “’Pleased’ is an understatement. I’m practically ecstatic.”
She seemed a little distraught. “But I-…we no longer serve a purpose. What is going to happen next? SEELE still exists, and it is likely that they shall try to reenact-“
Again I cut the girl off, this time with a dismissing wave of my hand. “I don’t know who SEELE is, and I don’t really care. All the Angels are dead now, so all that’s left is for us to move along with our lives. We don’t have to serve someone else’s cause simply to exist. I’m sure we can find contentment in life without Eva or NERV.”
“I…” she inhaled sharply, before sighing heavily, as if purging something from her body. “You are correct, Shinji. I would request, however, that you assist me as a former comrade in what one might consider a ‘normal’ life. I am aware such a thing exists, but I am not well versed in the ‘how’ or ‘why’.”
A chuckle formed in my throat. “Of course. But you can call me a ‘friend’. I’m not just a ‘former comrade’, you know.”
She considered this as well for a moment before nodding. “Yes…friends.”
We sat quietly for several moments, simply enjoying the content silence, for we both knew what to expect once Misato and Asuka arrived.
Not five minutes later the door burst open, and in came an excited Misato. “You’re awake!” she exclaimed as she approached the bed in long, hurried strides. She threw her arms around me and practically crushed me in an embrace.
All the breath was squeezed from my lungs in that bear hug, and if she kept it up much longer, I don’t know how long her statement would remain true. “Mi-…Mi..sa…to…!” I choked.
The purple haired woman clad in casual garments released me a moment, pulling back and looking me over with a critical eye before wrapping me up in another constricting coil of affection. I had seen her tears, and tried to return the hug, but my arms had fallen asleep from lack of blood.
When she finally released me again, she whooped animatedly and tossed a hand triumphantly in the air. “Whoo! Party at Shinji’s place tonight!”
“Wha-what!?” I gasped, still trying to get a comfortable amount of oxygen in my system. “B-but-!”
“Come on, Rei! We’ve got arrangements to make! We’ll need lots of beer, and will have to invite all of Shinji’s friends, and…” the rest faded away as the older woman dragged the introverted and more than a little reluctant crimson-eyed girl out of the room.
I then noticed Asuka resting quietly against the wall, her bright sapphire eyes watching my every move. Her face was an expressionless mask, but I could see the tension in her body.
She slowly kicked off the wall, and turned to the door, shutting it. I heard the latch click, followed by the snap of the door lock. Obviously she didn’t want any interlopers during our reunion.
“Hey…” I offered. It was a pathetic attempt at opening a conversation, but I was never really good at these kinds of things.
Her back was still to me, and she lifted her face to the ceiling, giving her head a small shake and muttering something that I guess was an insult at my intellect. She sighed then, and with slow, deliberate movements took Ayanami’s seat next to my bed.
“’Hey’ yourself,” she replied quietly after a moment.
We lapsed into silence again, and I shifted into a more comfortable sitting position in my bed. “So…are you all right?” I asked, honestly concerned and curious, though not being able to find the words to express myself.
She glanced over at me from whatever it was she was staring at on the far end of the room. “I…guess…now, at least.”
I couldn’t think of anything halfway intelligent to talk about, so I simply put my arm around her shoulders and gently massaged the knot out of it.
The German sighed heavily—though I could tell it was in contentment—and leaned against me. All the tightness in her body seemed to fade as I stroked her hair, the side of her neck, her shoulder, and her upper arm. I repeated the gesture over and over in as comforting a manner as possible.
“You know…you scared the shit out of me, you asshole,” she finally spoke after several moments. She reached up and idly began to draw small circles on my sheet-clad leg just above my knee.
I chuckled. “It wasn’t really my intention, believe me there.”
She shoved me over in my narrow bed, and when I finally made enough room, she crawled up onto the mattress and cuddled close. “I…I was really scared, Shinji. I didn’t think you’d be coming back…”
I didn’t like where this was leading. It was supposed to be a happy reunion with smiles and hugs, not tears. “Hey, didn’t I tell you I’d stay with you no matter what?” True enough I had left more than positive I was going to die, but I had done it so that she would survive.
“…Yeah…” she sniffled. Her hands clutched at my hospital gown tightly. I ran my fingers through her soft auburn hair, trying to calm her down a bit.
“Well, I’m here now, and I’m awake and good to go again. As soon as they let me out of this place, I’m going to take you out to dinner and go shopping for all that furniture you wanted for our house,” I promised.
She clutched my thin robe even tighter, pressing her face into my chest. “And then?” came the muffled question.
“Well, I guess I finish school, go to college, and make something out of myself. It’s not like money is an issue, but I don’t want to become some sort of vegetable or anything,” I replied. I hadn’t really given it much thought, but that really seemed about right.
“What else?” she asked. I got the feeling she was trying to get at something.
“Umm…I dunno. I think I’d like to turn a nice big chunk of our yard into a garden or something…take up playing the cello a bit more seriously…” I thought for a moment more.
“Mostly, I just want to be around you and take care of you, to be honest,” I admitted after serious consideration. She was the whole reason I refused an eternity of serenity, after all. Even if my time with her was short, it’d be worth every bit of what I had turned down and then some.
There wasn’t a sound aside from her slightly irregular breathing. Every now and when she shifted against me and I would calm her by running one hand up and down her back softly while slipping my fingers through the waves of her red hair.
I clenched my jaw tightly as I dug into my own thoughts, trying to piece together the recently formed puzzle of my future. Most of it was fitting together nice and neat, but one part of it refused to fit anywhere just right. The section constantly shifted its shape to avoid being situated. It was like trying to balance an equation that was missing numbers.
That piece was Asuka. I wanted her to stay with me. I just had to figure out how to make it to where it would fit just right and complete the picture.
“Asuka…I love you more than anything, so I’m going to be really honest with you here. I don’t want you to think I’m teasing or joking or anything, because I’m gonna be really serious here…” I began.
She didn’t move, but I felt her body tense slightly.
I continued. “Like I said, I love you a helluva lot. When I was up there thinking I was going to die, I only wanted one thing, and that was to be with you. I…I was presented with a really tempting offer…I could choose between heaven or life with you…I think it’s pretty obvious which one I picked by now. A life with you—no matter how short or full of pain it could possibly be—would be worth a countless amount of times more than an eternity of idle bliss.”
“So, I think I’m gonna be pretty blunt now about stuff. I want you to be near me. You’re like a fuel in my furnace, and I don’t know if I could exist without you. Ever since you came back, I’ve been the happiest man alive, and I think that if you’d stay with me, I could at least try and give you a little of that back. I know I’m stupid and clumsy, and maybe even still a bit of a wimp, and I guess I’m being a little selfish with this and all, but I was hoping maybe you’d allow me to try and repay you. The only way I can think of going about that is to keep you close by. I’ve not got a whole lot to offer, I don’t think, but everything I do have is yours.”
She still didn’t stir. I was afraid maybe I had done something wrong, and maybe even have screwed everything up with my words, but I refused to relent. I would finish what I had to say, even if it meant she left me forever.
“We’re still really young, I know, and asking you to stay with me is asking a lot. You’d miss out on so much that people our age usually go through, but I honestly couldn’t bear the thought of you leaving me again. I’ve got to have you in my life. So, I was kind of hoping maybe you’d at least think about it.”
Hoo boy, this seemed much easier in my head. Damn me and my day dreams for making things seem so damned simple.
“Stupid…” she mumbled.
I blinked in surprise. “Huh?”
She pulled away, looking me in the face. I could see small streaks down her face, and her beautiful blue eyes still shed small tears, but the smile on her face was enough to make my heart go through a drill of flips and somersaults that would have made every Olympic gymnast turn green with envy.
“You don’t even have a ring…”
I laughed a bit nervously, removing a hand from her back and rubbing my head. “Well, err, I was kind of hoping you could over look that fact for a day or two…”
Asuka looked quite indignant at that. “Hell no I won’t, and I’ll never forgive you for this, either. Now as soon as you get out of here, you’re going to go to a jewelry store, buy a ring, and do this whole thing over again.”
“Wha?”
She sat up, tucking her feet beneath her. “And I want it done in public, too. In front of a big crowd of people. And of course you’ll have to get on your knees. I might even consider it if you grovel just right…”
My jaw must have unhinged, and I’m pretty sure my eyes had bugged out of their sockets by now. “You’re not serious!”
The German giggled, pushing me back onto the bed and leaning over me. “Of course I am, stupid. I’ve still got my pride, you know, and if I don’t live up to my standards I’ll never be completely happy.” She pushed my jaw back up and kissed my lips affectionately.
“B-but…” I sputtered.
Her eyes twinkled mischievously as she gently ran her hands up and down my chest sensually. The expression on her face made it hard to believe she had actually been crying not a few seconds before.
God, things would never get boring with this woman. Just when I thought I had her figured out…
All thoughts fled my mind as we kissed again. Her body shifted about into a more…well, assuming position. Before I knew it, my hands were roaming about.
“That’s better,” she said contentedly.
Nope. Never a dull moment with this girl.
End.
Author’s NotesThere, it’s REALLY finished this time. This was NOT an alternate ending, it’s the ONLY ending. It was started well before I posted “Asuka’s Smile II”, and a select few persons I speak with on a regular basis were aware of this fact.
But I’m glad my other “ending” had such a profound effect on the lot of you. Kicking the stool out from beneath you all was necessary, so as to make this fic that much happier. I mean, you all would have liked this one, were it to have been posted along with the rest of it, but the effect would not have been the same. You appreciate the happy ending moreso now than you would have before, simply because I made it seem I had denied it to you.
Or something like that…
Anyway, I’m done for about…2-3 days or so. I’m going to go ahead and get underway of the next project…I’ve just got to decide which one I want to start.
In the meantime, keep it real, folks.